Paratrooper patrol
CTC whitewashing Iran/al Qaeda connections?

Ask an Infantryman, from the 'Stan...

Today I found myself trapped against my will at Bagram Air Base.  As with all tourists, I went to the PX, ate at the Popeye's, and then went to get one of the world famous $30 massages.

A 95 lbs Filipino woman came out and started the message.  She was rough, but I needed it.  As she worked on my legs, I really started to relax.  But when she started massaging my abdomin, it happened.  Bear in mind it wasn't on purpose by any stretch.  I was just all good one minute, and then the next minute, boom went the dynamite.  That's right, I let out a popeye's chicken fart that was audible over the noise in the other room.

Now, I know that in some foreign countries it is customary to belch after a meal to show how much you enjoyed it.  I'm not sure if fecal saturation of an enclosed room with a young filipino lass is the same as that or not.  I was unsure what to do exactly.  Do I laugh hysterically and blame it on the FOB Andar chow?  Do I apologize profusely, and recommend she clear the neighboring stalls before it wafts over and I have to listen to people choking?  Do I just yell "Save yourselves!" and run for the bunker in my shorts?

Completely at a loss.  And, as this is Bagram I am likely to get delayed tomorrow, and I peg the chances of this happening again at roughly 40%.  Help me Infantrymen, you're my only hopes.

Infantryman, sign me-

''Not Mike Yawn''