One of the forgotten wars & a couple of terrorist captures
Not a Middle East party without Israel

Ask an Infantryman: Gym Ettiquette


Your counsel has been requested yet again:

Dear Uber Pig:


This morning I was at the gym, doing my normal workout on the Elliptical machine.  So this relatively good looking young lady hops on the treadmill in front of me, and I notice she has kind of a nice Kardashian.  So, I am working away, building a sweat, and before I know it, 5 minutes have passed, and I am still staring at her ass.  I pan my eyes up, and (oh shit) realize I am flat out busted, thanks to the large mirrors in the front of the room.  Now, I swear I wasn’t checking her out.  It was like watching a Furbie hump a football, it just happened to be the most interesting thing to look at at the time.  So anyway, I quickly decided I had 3 courses of action:

1)      Pretend I am blind, and start waving my head back and forth like Stevie Wonder.

2)      Pull the hoodie down over my head (which has the added of making me look like a Jedi Knight)  so that no one can see my eyes, and just Charlie Mike.  

3)      Recognize that this poor girl probably has a low self-esteem, and try to offer something encouraging and classy, like: Good job sweet tits, got quite a turd-cutter on you.


I went with option 2.


What should I have done, or was there another option?


Jim Nasium

As always, your advice in the comments below.  


-- Uber Pig


PS:  Need advice?  Send your questions to [email protected]