Your counsel has been requested yet again:
Dear Uber Pig:
This morning I was at the gym, doing my normal workout on the Elliptical machine. So this relatively good looking young lady hops on the treadmill in front of me, and I notice she has kind of a nice Kardashian. So, I am working away, building a sweat, and before I know it, 5 minutes have passed, and I am still staring at her ass. I pan my eyes up, and (oh shit) realize I am flat out busted, thanks to the large mirrors in the front of the room. Now, I swear I wasn’t checking her out. It was like watching a Furbie hump a football, it just happened to be the most interesting thing to look at at the time. So anyway, I quickly decided I had 3 courses of action:
1) Pretend I am blind, and start waving my head back and forth like Stevie Wonder.
2) Pull the hoodie down over my head (which has the added of making me look like a Jedi Knight) so that no one can see my eyes, and just Charlie Mike.
3) Recognize that this poor girl probably has a low self-esteem, and try to offer something encouraging and classy, like: Good job sweet tits, got quite a turd-cutter on you.
I went with option 2.
What should I have done, or was there another option?
As always, your advice in the comments below.
-- Uber Pig
PS: Need advice? Send your questions to [email protected]