I wrote this straight out in about 15 minutes and I hate Joel Stein even more than I did when I started.
Well apparently there was a need for a titanium-melting rip from Uncle J, because the LA Times teed up a real clown for me. Enter Mr. Joel Stein to the arena, the crowd is charged up because this is a real, no-punches pulled, W and the troops-hating clownasaurus erectus. In the worst tradition of limo liberalism and smirking elitism, this smarmy, little punk pokes his underpowered brain housing group into the line of fire.
Engaging oxygen to counteract the deficit created when this O2 thief dropped this dung ball, now loading up the M24 Fisking rifle, no screw that "We need shotguns for this s**t!"
I DON'T SUPPORT our troops. This is a particularly difficult opinion to have, especially if you are the kind of person who likes to put bumper stickers on his car. Supporting the troops is a position that even Calvin is unwilling to urinate on.
Right off the bat I know me and Joel are not intellectual soul mates, and he tosses in a Calvin-related remark that references unlicensed crap that cheats the author. Not a way to get on my good side.
But I'm not for the war. And being against the war and saying you support the troops is one of the wussiest positions the pacifists have ever taken — and they're wussy by definition.
Probably the only thing me and dum dum here are likely to agree on. But he is even too lame to effectively slag his own team. It requires the basic understanding that even if you don't want any war, any time, your right to clown around dancing and sing proclaiming this is vouchsafed by warriors and the wars they have warred.
The real purpose of those ribbons is to ease some of the guilt we feel for voting to send them to war and then making absolutely no sacrifices other than enduring two Wolf Blitzer shows a day.
I will link to Soldier's Angels although I feel safe this lightweight of morals and reason won't bother to avail himself of it's karma increasing goodness. It's easier to sit and bitch from the sidelines.
After we've decided that we made a mistake, we don't want to blame the soldiers who were ordered to fight. Or even our representatives, who were deceived by false intelligence. And certainly not ourselves, who failed to object to a war we barely understood.
I wouldn't caricature a left wing butthead any better than this maroon does to himself and his friends. They certainly didn't fail to object, but just as certainly it was a war they didn't understand. They don't understand war period, so there is little chance enlightenment will occur regardless of our success.
But blaming the president is a little too easy. The truth is that people who pull triggers are ultimately responsible, whether they're following orders or not. An army of people making individual moral choices may be inefficient, but an army of people ignoring their morality is horrifying.
I wonder if the possibility that he is not omniscient ever crossed the fevered mind of this delusionally self-important weasel. Maybe all those people pulling triggers actually have fully functioning moral compasses and maybe unlike you they even know how to use the damn things. Maybe the choices they made were every bit as informed as yours was to possum a ride on their efforts even as you deride, belittle and fail to respect them. At least you are an honest jerkoff, I agree with you that your friends who claim to support the troops while sharing your sentiments are worse, but c'mon how much difference between regular dung and whales**t from the bottom of the ocean.
I do sympathize with people who joined up to protect our country, especially after 9/11, and were tricked into fighting in Iraq. I get mad when I'm tricked into clicking on a pop-up ad, so I can only imagine how they feel.
You do condescend toward those whom the circumstances of birth did not endow with the proper liberal sensibilities and therefore are condemned to wander the hinterlands occasionally rising up from the homo they were beating to travel overseas and slaughter some brown people. I get mad realizing that I have matured to the point were I wouldn't actually punch this clown if I met him. I don't know what satisfaction I would gain, but I can guarantee he's has never had his ass chewed by anyone near my ability. I made a Ranger cry, this clown will likely offer me the MoveOn battle plans.
But when you volunteer for the U.S. military, you pretty much know you're not going to be fending off invasions from Mexico and Canada. So you're willingly signing up to be a fighting tool of American imperialism, for better or worse. Sometimes you get lucky and get to fight ethnic genocide in Kosovo, but other times it's Vietnam.
Sometimes you free tens of millions in Iraq & Afghanistan from tyranny, while listening to piddling thin-lipped milquetoasts like Mr. Stein prove the vacuosness of his position by opining from safety in order to denounce his safe keepers. You are an ASS Mr. Stein.
I know this is all easy to say for a guy who grew up with money, did well in school and hasn't so much as served on jury duty for his country. But it's really not that easy to say because anyone remotely affiliated with the military could easily beat me up, and I'm listed in the phone book.
All together now, nobody is actually going to kick this idiot's ass. That would be wrong and he is not worth it. What we will do is join voices in wishing him all the same good will and success as he just wished us, only double, and wish he would join our toast with a giant glass of Shut The F**K Up!
I'm not advocating that we spit on returning veterans like they did after the Vietnam War, but we shouldn't be celebrating people for doing something we don't think was a good idea. All I'm asking is that we give our returning soldiers what they need: hospitals, pensions, mental health and a safe, immediate return. But, please, no parades.
Seriously, the traffic is insufferable.
No we will just explain that we are sorry they won an amazing victory and changed the entire balance of power in the Middle East. We will inform them that since there are several thousand dirty nasty patchouli-smelling hippies (of every flavor) who are sorely put out by the number of jihadis they sent to Allah for their 72 Goats, we will not say good job. We will apologize to each and every one and let them know that no matter where enemies of the US are located, we will never send them there to kill them. Maybe we could use the mighty intellect and amazing ability to bridge cultural gaps Mr. Stein has demonstrated, the jihadis will just love him.
Oh and one other thing you miserable little crap weasel, you are not funny, I don't care what your punk ass friends say.
- Uncle J
Now back to the regularly scheduled sweetness and light with a little milk of human kindness thrown in.