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Boots on the Ground Interview - Sgt Boggs, The Bored Soldier

Round two of the Boots on the Ground interview series brings us The Bored Soldier, Sgt. Boggs. The debut with Capt B of One Marine's View is here.

OK let's get running. Boggs_earring_1

First I love the pitch to Hillary, she is about the biggest tool of her own devising I know of. Have you run into any Pols, News Jackals, or Celebrities traipsing about the theater?

Next, about that glory shot against the wall with your trusty 15 shooter, is that a pledge pin in your ear? Or even worse did Michael Irvin from The Cowboys stop by and you jacked his 5 carat stud?
 
I mean I love the imagery, the skull, the unit numbers, black and white, it's all good. But you gotta tell me that wasn't an earring. Boggsy, you gotta represent, at least make up a good story about the stripper who stole it from Michael Irvin to give to you. Work with me.

Ok I want to answer the important question first. I am
not wearing an earring in the black and white pic and
if I was you and everyone else would have the inherent
right to chastise me as you saw fit. Funny you should
mention Michael Irvin though. The pic was taken right
after I got back from watching a USO show in Kuwait.
The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders were there and you
wouldn’t have believed how many of them offered to buy
me jewelry of some sort. If you don’t believe me then
write the cheerleaders and send them the pic along
with my address and have them write me personally so I
can discuss the matter further with them.

Now I am the last person to call Sgt Boggs veracity into question, but several details have me in CSI mode. First of all, if not an earring then what is the circular light patch on your lobe in the same location a 5 carat stud previously owned by a Dallas Cowboy would be? What is it? Do we have any imagery analysts reading B5 who can scrutinize the picture professionally? And strange isn't it that the Cowboy cheerleaders just happened to be flaunting Muslim sensibilities in Kuwait, conveniently offering a likely source for a contraband piece of bling deftly removed from a former NFL star by a gorgeous hussy. Maybe we need to bring big Steve, Sgt Boggs Pop in on this, I know he's a reader, what say ye. I don't think it's an offense if it came to him from Michael Irvin's ear through the tender mercies of a Cowboy cheerleader, Heck that might even be worthy of a badge or tab or something. Open call for any Cowboy cheerleaders to contact me with information about the Kuwait connection, discretion is possible but not likely.

"First I love the pitch to Hilly,

Dear Mrs. Clinton,
Could you please get the Bush Administration to send me some more body armor. My hamstrings are still unprotected and I can still move a little.
Sincerely,
Your secret admirer

she is about the biggest tool of her own devising I know of. Have you
run into any Pols, News Jackals, or Celebrities
traipsing about the theater?"

I have run into my fair share of campus hippies waxing
poetic about the illegality of the war in Iraq and how
the world should be according to their own utopian
views. These people are easily discarded with once
they are faced with having to give factual answers to
questions. News Jackals are a little harder to get rid
of: you need to shoot them. Celebrities no, but
journalists yes. At the beginning of my first
deployment I remember eating in the chow hall on
several occasions when I saw a couple TV broadcasters
looking extremely clean and pretty eating alone. I am
sure they were just minutes away from telling
Americans how hard it was to be in Iraq and how the
soldiers were doing. They never once talked to any
real soldiers but instead avoided us like the plague.
My favorite story would have to be about Geraldo
Riviera. If you remember at the beginning of the war
he was thrown out of Iraq for giving away sensitive
military information on TV. Well he came to the camp
in Kuwait where I was working the front gate and
soldiers started clamoring to get his autograph. You
would have never known the man had just been thrown
out of Iraq because he waved and posed for pictures
and told everyone how proud of them he was. What an
idiot.

Since body armor is once again all the rage, do you have any thoughts beyond the observations that your hamstrings go shamefully unprotected and your chariot contains just enough room for your up-armored ass. Hey maybe we could add a butt-plate with kevlar danglies for your hamstrings, very gladiator.

Well I was thinking more along the lines of somethingArmored_boggs_4
like the Popemobile. If we could manage to put two inch thick polycarbonate around the turrets of our gun trucks then that would be a good first step. Hell why stop there. I remember playing as a kid and pretending that I had a force field around me so that no one could kill me. Why don’t we get Hillary in on a senate committee to study force fields. Maybe John Kerry could get on that committee too so as to bring some real world combat experience to the table.

I asked Capt B if there were any simple pleasures he missed that I could partake of and post pics, that made him wax rhapsodic with some Bull Durham. I'm thinking more a favorite fast food or a particularly tasty adult beverage, any requests?

If I missed one thing from back home it would have to
be barbeque ribs. A nice full rack of slow cooked ribs
lathered up with spicy barbeque sauce. Throw in some
baked beans, collard greens, corn bread and some ice
tea and it is almost enough to make me tear up.

Now you're talkin' Boggsy. I would love to brutalize a rack of ribs to support the troops and specifically to entertain the Bored Soldier. Anyone else with rib-eatin' pics can email 'em to me and I will post them later this week. jimboATunclejimbo.com

My favorite character in every unit is the "get-over man" the smart ass, usually a PFC or Specialist, who consistently games the system. I hesitate to ask you to talk about yours because my instincts tell me it used to be you, right or wrong? If so share a violation with us, or (and I won't believe you) if you claim it isn't you, front out one of your violators.

The Bored Soldier?

Don’t let the name “boredsoldier” fool you, I am a
hard worker and never have been an accomplished
“shammer.” Although I do sham when the occasion
warrants it. However, I cant hold a candle to some of
the guys in my unit. We have one kid who I overheard
one day in our pre-deployment training talking about
his scheme to get out of work. We had to go to the
field for two weeks where living conditions were going
to be pretty rough so he planned out how he was going
to go to sick call and get bed rest just enough so as
not to conflict with his already scheduled dentist
appointments. He managed to spend about two nights
total in the field for the two weeks that we were out
there. Then after being in theater for a couple of
weeks he had to go home for personal reasons and was
only supposed to be there for two weeks. Well two
weeks turned into a month and now he is only two weeks
away from going home on R&R leave. This kid is going
to make a year long deployment into about 9 months and
still get paid the same. If only I had no pride.

Kid sounds a lot like our boy F John Kerry.

I believe we should make significant adjustments to our force structure in Iraq this year, specifically focusing most military efforts on training, accelerating the turnover of security responsibility to Iraqis, and reducing our footprint to minimize our exposure. Do you believe the Iraqis have progressed to the point where they can hold up their end?

I agree with you here but I would say that what you
suggest is already happening. Obviously one of our
main goals is to get the Iraqi military and police
force up to par in order to turn their country back
over to them which is precisely why we our focusing
most of our energy on doing so. I do not believe
Iraqis are fully able just yet of taking over the job
completely but I do believe they are capable of doing
so in the future. The Iraqis are a resilient hard
working people who have already made it through 30
some odd years of tyrannical rule and I believe they
can make it through a few more tough years. Because of
their previous condition they are a little slow on the
uptake but look how long it took us to get things
straightened out in Japan and Germany. Patience is a
virtue my friend and Americans and Iraqis alike would
do well to learn that.

What is the basic "Hearts and Minds" status in your AO? Does the local populace seem to understand what we are doing and have they begun to see what their future holds?

This is a great question because I have a great
answer. In my area, northern Iraq, the Iraqis that I
have come into contact with love us, and if they don’t
love us then they do a good job of tolerating us. A
couple of weeks ago we had two local Iraqis building a
breezeway in our living area. One of them spoke pretty
good English so we got to talking about how he felt
about our presence in his country. He told us that if
we were to come into his town that we wouldn’t even
need to carry our weapons because everyone there would
protect us. He said that we were welcome anytime and
offered to do anything for us. This sentiment isn’t
all that uncommon in my experience. During my first
deployment I made three really good Iraqi friends in
southern Iraq. The day Saddam was captured they
brought me a live chicken so that we could all
celebrate and eat together. As soon as I got the
chicken into my tent there was another Iraqi friend of
mine who brought me three beers so that I could share
with my tent mates. That night we toasted to Saddam
and fun was had by all.

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

Uncle J I am only 23 years old and this question goes
right over my head. I already had to google News
Jackals and the word traipsing so if you are done
trying to sound smart and funny I would like to
continue in the spirit of Capt B and ask you a few
questions.

You now have possession of the mighty Blackfive soap box what say ye, the floor is yours :

What did you think of army reservists when you were in
the military? Fat, out of shape, lazy, dumb?

When I was on active duty 80s & 90s, there were nowhere near as many Reservists and Guard units operating. They ranged from just as you characterized all the way to some of the best units I saw. Now that the Op Tempo has raised I think many of the advantages of Reserve and Guard units are showing. Because of the type of folks in those units we end up with CFOs from major companies as Finance Officers and Lead Engineers from major manufacturers running maintenance depots. Overall the caliber of folks on these units is very high and once activated they rival and sometimes exceed the capability of Active Duty units.That said there are still plenty who eat soup sandwiches in their chicken wire canoes before getting out wearing bowling cleats, swinging a football bat.

What do you think when people call those in the
military the “best and the brightest?” Since you are
prior service I am expecting a different answer from
you then say a politician might give.

I don't believe that the military, by and large represents our best and brightest, as it would normally be defined, I think it represents an excellent cross section of middle America. If you define best as offering to serve a greater good than yourself, then that certainly fits, but brightest?.....hardly. There were plenty of smart and even brilliant people I met, but there were also plenty of raging dumbasses, and even an entire class of people we termed oxygen thieves. I hold anyone who has served to have truly earned the rewards of being a citizen of the greatest country yet on this earth, but I don't hold them above any other citizens, except hippies and Michael Moore (and Kerry, Howard Dean I'll stop now...Jane Fonda....enough already, Daily "Screw 'em" Kos).

And finally what makes the green grass grow?

Worm S**t

Thank you for having me on Blackfive I appreciate the
opportunity.

Sgt. Boggs

It was a pleasure Sgt. Boggs. Say hey to everybody in your unit and wish 'em all Blue Skies until the ground your boots are on is US soil. Godspeed!

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