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John Kerry Speech Compensators

The John Kerry Drinking Game

No, I didn't think of it. I SHOULD have, though...

Anyway, I was just wondering if I should watch Kerry's acceptance speech or play XBox. My wife suggested that I drink some of my scotch collection to reduce the amount of packing we'll have to do in the next few weeks.

Ain't my wife brilliant?

Speaking of brilliant, Mamamontezz has the John Kerry Drinking Game. I'm going to play and I might even blog while doing the shots of Laphroaig and Macallan...hhhmm, if it's more than ten or fifteen, I might have to move to something weaker. Mamamontezz suggests beer shots. I'll put the rules in the Extended Section with a tally on the left of each rule.

I'm certainly no Mr. Green.

Mamamontezz's Rules:

[0] 1. Every time he says "when I served in Viet Nam."

[0] 2. Every time he says "Purple Heart."

[0] 3. Every time he says "Fair Share." [he said "Fair Shot" so I drinking for that one - close enough]

[0] 4. Every time he says "During my career." ["When I was a prosecutor..."]

[1] 5. Anytime he attempts a joke or takes a stab at humor, for which humor will probably file charges for attempted murder. [Blackfive note: that sloppy-ass salute was funny. "Born in the West Wing"?]

[0] 6. Every time he makes a reference to "Corporate Welfare" or "tax cuts for the rich."

[4] 7. Every time he says "I know what it's like..."

[1] 8. Every time he makes a reference to a Kennedy, dead or alive.

[5] Blackfive Shotgun Rules: If you play with shotgun rules, chug every time he mentions World Respect or pronouces Teresa as Ta-rhez-a.

Side note: Watching Rassman and Cleeland, I'm glad that I didn't start early.

First Comment: The Dems make it seem like John Kerry won the Viet Nam war. He's the one who LOST it. Him and Hanoi Jane did not cause victory.

Next: Talking about his parents - this is turning out to be the most boring speech of all time. O-Bam-A!!! O-Bam-A!!!

On Communism: He's talking about seeing East Germany and how horrible communism was. But he's the one who said that we couldn't fight communism around the world.

OOPS!: "Will use Special Forces to conduct Terrorist Operations" - "Um, Anti-Terrorist Operations"

OH MY GOD!: He's talking about his love of the Flag - how it flew on his boat...and he's the sonofabitch who marched with it upside down. Now, I'm REALLY disgusted by this guy. He doesn't stand for anything.

Now he's talking about values and he's spinning it into families being forced to buy body armor for their sons or daughters in Iraq or Veteran Benefits being cut and vets not being able to afford medicine. No body armor for troops, no veterans' benefits? He's the one who voted against all of those programs.

Look in the mirror, you rat bastard...

Final: Relatively mild. Not very exciting. Kerry's speech was mostly covering up for his votes and actions of the past. He's now won the Viet Nam War, supported the military and veterans, and doesn't waffle.

Right!

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