Blackfive's Shirley Temple Awards - Round 1
Going Home Part One - Blackfive's Lessons Learned

Spicing Up Tech Reports

Frank J.'s Solution For Random Ninja Attacks Almost Solves Attention Span Problem at Initech*
I run an IT department for a large company. One of the things that our support group does is check all of the service jobs that were supposed to kick off in the early AM. Then, they send a report with the problems that they encountered. The reports are so boring that I mentioned to one of the techs, Daniel, that I doubted that anyone was reading them and suggested spicing them up to see if anyone was paying attention. I gave him an example of using Death Touch on random Ninja attacks (giving him clearance to check IMAO for the info).

That was two weeks ago. Today, this is what I read on Daniel's report (shortened for your perusal):

    ///////////// RESOLVED ISSUES:
    - Account management Midwest Module - Crashed. - Restart fixed.
    - Accounts payable records 1999 - Crashed. - Restart fixed.
    - RS 6000 ID 13 - no key. Re-seated connection. Fixed.

    - Management video - the Windows task bar was visible onscreen. Restarting interactive did not fix. I brought the movie file into focus by clicking on it with the mouse, causing the task bar to disappear. Developer will be checking into this.

    - Slight ninja infestation - attacking guests with Ghost Claw technique (Northern Style). Repelled attack with superior Buddha Palm technique. Fixed.

Next, I ask the tech if anyone noticed. The report was sent at 8:43AM. As of 3:00PM no one noticed it or bothered to complain about it. My conversation via email with the tech:

    Blackfive: Again, I would state that using Death Touch resolves many random Ninja problems.

    Daniel-San: I only employ the Dim Mak in the most dire of circumstances.

    Blackfive: Well, feel free to use Death Touch on those monkeys in accounting...not the payroll guys, though.

    Daniel-San: You got it, boss.

Damn if I haven't unleashed a monster...

* Note: Initech is not the name of the company - this was done to protect the innocent and to ensure that I keep my job (I need my beer money). However, Friday is Hawaiian Shirt Day here so feel free to express your creativity then.