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Blackfive's Shirley Temple Awards - Round 1

Blackfive says, "Hey, Jackass, let me buy you a drink". - A Shirley Temple
Okay, folks, here is the latest Blackfive list of people that I would like to buy a Shirley Temple:

5. Kobe Bryant - I would love to send this jackass a Shirley Temple. Now, don't get me wrong on my intent here. First, he may be innocent of rape (but guilty of adultery - which, in his own words, is not a crime). Second, he might be getting set up by the "racist" police department. But what I want to point out to this classic jackass is that you don't commit adultery, let alone admit it as if you had done nothing wrong, then accept the Teen Choice Award for Athlete of the Year...Nice example you are showing for the teens of America, Jackass! Real men don't cheat. Since you aren't one, have a Shirley Temple - I'm buying.

4. Alec Baldwin - Why is this Jackass still in this country? I believe he said that, if Bush won in 2000, he would move to Canada. Still waiting...although I think his last movie was Thomas the Tank Engine and he is filming Meet Your Meat for PETA. At least his career left the country. Hey, Alec, here's your Shirley Temple. Drink up.

3. Sean Penn - In a Jane Fonda-esque move, he goes to Iraq before the war to get answers. Hey, Jackass, how about using your riches and influence to feed the hungry or build a house for someone who needs shelter (Habit for Humanity, anyone?). No, you go to the enemy in search of answers. This guy needs to get beat like a 6 o'clock whore at 7pm. You can have two Shirleys, on me. Stupid Jackass.

2. Democratic Congressman Charlie Rangel (NY) - This guy puts the "ass" back in assassination. Accuses the Bush administration of assassinating the Hussein Boys. Yeah, rapists, mass-murdering, child killers shooting at our troops (who were trying to get them to surrender) got what they deserved...I don't even think Sadd-am Hussein thought this was an assassination. Congressman Rangel, as one vet to another, I would love to buy you a Shirley Temple. You can't use that "I am vet so, if you're not, then you don't understand" crap with me. You should be ashamed of yourself. Here's your drink.

Tied 1. Michael Moore - Big lying scumbag who wins an Academy Award for a documentary that contains moslty fabricated material (Nuclear Missles in Columbine, buying a weapon over the counter, etc. ad nauseum). This guy might possibly do more to harm America than any traitor we have ever had. When he uses the word "We" in his films, just remember that he is talking about him and his pet communist monkey...not the rest of us. If Michael Moore was on fire, I wouldn't even to bother to douse the flames with a Shirley Temple...waste of good grenadine and ginger ale.

Tied 1. Whoever Decided That Thongs Were For Men - So I was in St. Louis this weekend, and I visited Famous Barr to get a shirt. As I was walking by the men's department, there it was...Believe me folks when I say that this was the most disgusting use of a department store mannequin that I have ever witnessed (after all, I had one in my college dorm room). There, in the men's underwear section, was a male mannequin wearing a thong. Yech! Blah! Phatoey! Even the boys from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy would think it disgusting.