The Language of the Sea

Posted By Blackfive

Via Corporal Seamus and LtCol Brader comes this article (don't know when or where was published) by Colonel Hammond about the language of the US Marine Corps.

I really liked it for it's pride and history...enjoy (now, it's 0700 hours and I've got to get to work):

Salty Language
by Col James W. Hammond Jr., USMC (Ret)

In the (not so) old Corps, the first time a 'boot' referred to a vertical partition as a 'wall' or said that he had spilled something on the 'floor,' he incurred the unmitigated wrath of the nearest drill instructor. To gain the attention of the miscreant, the DI would smash his swagger stick on the top of the boot's pith helmet accompanied by a very loud bit of enduring advice, 'That's 'bulkhead' [or 'deck']. If you draw the pay, you speak the language!'

Marines are 'Soldiers of the Sea,' and it is right and proper  that conversation be sprinkled with nautical expressions.  In 'The Leatherneck,' his introduction to 'Fix Bayonets,' the late Colonel John W. Thompson Jr., USMC (Ret) described the many men making up the 4th Marine Brigade about to see action at Belleau Wood in June 1918:  'And there were also a number of diverse people who ran curiously to type, with drilled shoulders and a bone-deep sunburn, a tolerant scorn of nearly everything on earth.  Their speech was flavored with Navy words, and words culled from all the folk who live on the seas and ports where our war-ships go.'  He was describing Marine professionals who, like all professionals, have a language peculiar unto themselves.

A language is a living and evolving thing.  As we go to more strange and distant climes, some foreign words creep in. Some are transitory and don't survive. Marines still go to the 'head' to 'pump bilges,' although there was a generation or two who went to the benjo for the same thing. I've always liked the story of the world-traveler Marine sitting in a bar in Athens who politely summoned the waiter and ordered a beer with 'Garcon, iddy-wa, una botella de cerveza bitte.'

But over the years I have detected not just a lessening of the use of nautical terms among the naval services, but almost a complete lack of them.  This is more than 25 years ago when my son came home from the United States Naval Academy his Plebe Christmas.  He had been raised on 'deck,' 'bulkhead,' 'overhead,' 'ladder,' 'galley,' etc.  He called his Boy Scout equipment '782 gear,' but he was no longer using those descriptive terms because they weren't in use at the Academy.

After he graduated, I spent a dozen years in Annapolis on the staff of the Alumni Association of my alma mater.  I was appalled at the lubberly-ness of the staff, faculty and midshipmen at the Academy. Fortunately, the Marines on duty there kept the tradition of nautical language alive.  It must be paying off because every year the allotted 'boat spaces' for Marines on graduation are oversubscribed.

But I am not concerned with Navy per se, but rather our Corps of Marines.  I equate it to the reply an old gunnery sergeant gave to the lady who upon hearing the legend that the quatrefoil on the cover of Marine Officers' frame caps stems from days of sail when Marines in the 'fighting tops' could identify their officers on deck by the chalked cross on their caps and not fire on them, asked,

'What about the Navy Officers?'

'Who cared?' snapped the gunny.'

Language is both spoken and written.  'The Marines' Hymn' says, 'We are proud to claim the title of United States Marines.'  There are Army officers and soldiers, Navy officers and sailors, Air Force officers and airmen, but we are ALL Marines. That is why Marine is always written with a capital 'M.'

We must be careful not to allow our own professional culture to be corrupted by the words of other services.  The Army says 1600 (sixteen hundred) hours.  We say 1600 (sixteen hundred).  It is a small but subtle difference.  Many years ago at a large East Coast Marine base, an over zealous 'police sergeant' neatly painted on the 'deck' in front of a regimental headquarters building:

'NO PARKING AFTER 1600 HOURS.'

The commanding general, or 'CG,' came by and saw the offending sign. He dashed into headquarters, burst in the office of the commanding officer, or 'CO,' and began holding 'school-of-the-boat' (the most basic instruction one can give to the landlubber) on the colonel.

He said, 'In the Army, it's 1600 hours; in the Navy, it's 8 bells; in the Air Force, I think it is 'when Mickey's big hand is on 12 and his little hand is on 4,' but in the Corps, it is 1600.  Get that abomination corrected immediately!'...                                                           

Continue reading "The Language of the Sea"

David Bellavia- Bigot (an Uncle J Joint)

Posted By Uncle Jimbo

I have some sad news that pains me to tell you about. You have all seen the videos of David Bellavia speaking on the Heroes Tour and heard that I had taken a liking to him. That came to a screeching halt yesterday when I found out that he is an unrepentant bigot. During his introduction of Senator McCain at yesterday's Vets on the Hill event, he made remarks that were so flagrantly racist that everyone in attendance cringed. I cannot associate myself and Blackfive with someone who is so insensitive that he fails to understand that members of preferred victim groups cannot ever be referenced in any way that is not overwhelmingly positive. This PC rule holds firm even if the member of the preferred victim group does not accept his membership in it.

Bigot Bellavia noted in his speech that he considered John McCain, a decorated war hero and patriot of the highest order, might be a better role model for his kids than Tiger Woods. I know, I am as shocked as you all are. Tiger Woods father is black and therefore so is he, plus Tiger has been claimed by African-Americans in the racial draft as seen on the Chappelle Show. This holds firm even though Mr. Woods has refused to accept this label stating that if he must be categorized then he is a Cablanasian reflecting his mixed racial heritage of Caucasian, Black and Asian. When Mr. Bellavia elevated an old white man above an unwilling member of the victim class, he committed an unforgivable breach of the PC code.

I know, I know but hold off with the pitchforks and torches until I get to the full extent of his crimes. At the end of his speech as he was discussing the fact that Senator McCain has what some have called an overly optimistic view of the war and that he maintained his positive attitude over 5 years of prison and torture. He ended by noting that this is the real audacity of hope. Exactly, the disgusting racist stole from the Messiah, what blasphemy. Bad enough to elevate a member of the oppressor class above an authentic minority, but he then stole the work of not just the Messiah, but his highly-respected spiritual advisor Rev. Jeremiah "God-Damn America" Wright as well.

Mr. Bellavia is a cad and a bigot and that is obvious to anyone who has progressed beyond the patriarchal hate of the Dead White Men to live in a world where minorities will not be discussed except in glowing hagiographic terms. The fact that Bellavia was pointing out that military heroes may be better role models than sports stars does not immunize him in any way from the attacks he deserves so rightly. He has been exposed and now I urge all of you to shun him for his transgressions. He must be drummed out of enlightened society for his evil ways. I confronted him afterwards and he told me that he stopped reading Blackfive and told us we needed to rename it OldWhiteFive. The Cheek! I have included incontrovertible video evidence of his heinously egregious crime below. Note how at the end Sen. Lindsey Graham (OWM, SC) shamelessly panders to Mr. Woods in a useless attempt to cover Bellavia. Shun and ostracize this hater along with me, and to cleanse your soul send at least $20k to Trinity United Church of Christ so they can continue their efforts to stick it to the man. (A parody of the PC environment that assumes we cannot treat a black man the same as a white man. Shame on those who call him a racist)

   

US Marines In Berkeley -

Posted By Blackfive

Ranger-Up has nominated the Berkeley City Council for Douche of the Week.  We here at Blackfive agree whole-heartedly with the Rangers' nomination (except the time frame - Maybe, "Douche of the Month or Quarter"?).

Anyway, they produced a new t-shirt for the USMC in Berkeley. I won't spoil the LMAO (err, the LYAO) you'll get, other than to say it has to do with Marines and Hippies.

Dead Tangos Mix One- Blowing Buildings Up!

Posted By Uncle Jimbo

Ok there are rules to the Dead Tango game, bits like yesterday where there are jihadis in frame and then disintegrating are a no no on YouTube, but OK on Break.com. YouTube has deals with major record companies that allow the use of music in videos, so this is a compilation of quality destruction of buildings and one unfortunate car to "Bullet the Blue Sky" a U2 anti US War machine song. I do that for my own enjoyment on both musical and ironically aggravating to the left levels.

Mall Ninjas

Posted By Blackfive

A co-worker sent this link to me - its about mall ninjas (or the king of the mall ninjas).  Be sure to not use Internet Explorer if you want to read it.  I had seen it a long time ago, and it's still hilarious.  It is freaking hilarious.  Have a great weekend.

[My favorite parts are either the shootout at the Orange Julius or the rescue of the mayor's nephew (it was hush-hush).  Feel free to share yours in the Comments.]

"Can I Get a Grid on That?"

Posted By Blackfive

The Donovan has the latest Battle Update Brief.  Trust me (especially, you junior officers and senior NCOs), you'll want to check it out.

And In This Corner...

Posted By The Wolf

 

Ok, now we have a REAL debate going- who is the better spokesman, and why?

Stories around the 'sphere have Rambo (Sly Stallone) pulling for McCain, against Chuck Norris, who we all know is pulling for The Huck. 

The question now is, who would YOU rather have as your spokesman, and why?

Me, I'd rather have Rambo.  Less talk, more action.  And who needs a damn pickup truck?  During his movies, my wife actually keeps a commies-killed count (VEHEMENTLY anti-communist; someday I'll 'splain).  And with his mumbling, how could you hold up his comments, pro- or con-?  You can't understand him anyway...

Fire away...

-Wolf

Robin Williams Supports the Troops

Posted By Blackfive

Footage of comedian and actor, Robin Williams, in Kuwait where he is interrupted by a military tradition.  Watch his reaction...Video is via 1st Sustainment Command (Theater) Public Affairs.

FM 3-0 for Dummies

Posted By Blackfive

The new US Army Operations (Doctrine for Dummies) Manual is launched over at the Donovan's place and it. is. hilarious.  Jimbo is gonna love it.  Here's a just one part of it:

...Whacking bad people is dangerous. It’s also hard. It’s easier and safer to whack the bad people if you do it from the air or the ocean. That’s because the bad people can’t afford the super weapons that do stuff from there. That’s why we have to be nice to the Navy and Air Force; so they will whack bad people with great enthusiasm. Unfortunately, sometimes the Navy and Air Force get too enthusiastic at whacking people and they hurt Army Soldiers and other not so bad people that ended up in the wrong place. That’s why we have to spend a lot of effort telling them where we are and what we need them to do. We also try to stay out of their way when they are too busy whacking cities and countries and stuff. We also have to do a lot of explaining to civilian bureaucrats about what they need to do to clean up after the bad people get whacked. This is called “unified action” but it’s really like going over to the neighbors to apologize for breaking their window...

Castle Argghhh! has exceprts and a pdf download of the new manual.

Obscene Amenities

Posted By Laughing_Wolf

As a tribute to Billy Arkin, I thought I would share photos of some of the Obscene Amenities I found while in Iraq. Are there some plush rear areas, perhaps especially in the civilian administrative areas? I would not doubt it, based on some things I've heard about the State areas. The FOB's (or equivalent) I visited did have nice DFACs, yet some of the photos below were shot there. My take is that the troops on the sharp end deserve anything and everything they can get. That said, here we go...

Continue reading "Obscene Amenities"

Operation Good Shepherd

Posted By Blackfive

Major Dan sends this Top Secret un-redacted video capture of US Army forces conducting Operation Good Shepherd.  Three targets were selected, HVT intelligence was gathered, and exhaustive mission planning preceded the Op.

A lighting strike, our forces performed an expert snatch and grab mission.  Check it out.

232 Reasons to Love the Marine Corps

Posted By Blackfive

From some Marines in Fallujah, the list of 232 reasons to love the Marine Corps via the Marine Corps Times.  Unfortunately, I was in Vegas and didn't get it in time to post for the official USMC Birthday.

No question about it, The Marine Corps Times has some super reasons, 232 of them, for us to love our Marine Corps as we approach the Corps's 232d anniversary.  You'll smile at many; and memories will return.  On Nov. 10, the Marine Corps turns 232 years old. Ever since it was formed in a Philadelphia bar in 1775, the Corps has given Marines countless reasons to take pride in the heritage of their organization.

There is no shortage of instances in which Marine units and individuals have distinguished themselves in battle, but the bragging rights earned over the past 232 years weren’t all born on the battlefield.

The Corps’ culture sets it apart from other branches of the military in ways that those who have never earned the eagle, globe and anchor find difficult to fully understand. But what is obvious to even the most casual observer is that Marines distinguish themselves through their unique appearance, spirit and accomplishments.

To know the Corps is to love the Corps, which is why Marine Corps Times compiled the following list of 232 reasons to stand proudly at this year’s birthday ball.

1. Cpl. Jason Dunham. First Marine to receive the Medal of Honor since Vietnam. If jumping on a grenade to save a buddy isn’t worth the top of the list, nothing is.

2. Civilians have to find time to go to the gym. Marines get paid to go.

3. The National Museum of the Marine Corps. It’s like a Smithsonian of Leatherneck.

4. There’s no such thing as an “ex” Marine.

5. Re-enlistment rates are higher IN the war zone.

6. Stink-proof socks. Well, almost. Systems Command is working on them.

7. Jalapeño cheese.

8. “Every Marine Into the Fight.”

9. Lump-sum re-enlistment bonuses up to $80,000. Many of you would consider doing it for free.

10. New uniforms #1. Pixel-pattern cammies? Yeah, the Corps came up with that.

11. “Doc.”

12. Flexed arm hang is harder than it looks. We tried it.

13. Barracks parties on non-payday weekends.

14. Marine Gunners.

15. The Wounded Warrior Regiment.

16. MarAdmin 266/07: Letting 18-year-old Marines drink on base at this year’s birthday ball...

Continue reading "232 Reasons to Love the Marine Corps"

Christmas is Coming...

Posted By Blackfive

Click this link to see what one Marine in Anbar wants for Christmas...

New Blackwater Logos Over at Danger Room

Posted By Blackfive

I'm showing you this new Blackwater Logo so you'll go see the rest over at Wired's Danger Room:

So go over to Danger Room and VOTE for the best new logo for Blackwater (I voted for the one above).

Military in Iraq Take Presidential Straw Poll

Posted By Blackfive

I think most polls are @#$%, but go to MilBlogs and see what Greyhawk found...the results of a Military Personnel Presidential Straw Poll.  It's kind of illegal because military personnel must GO where the straw poll was conducted. 

Disclaimer:  Greyhawk didn't conduct the straw poll, he just observed the, um, results.  And no jokes about *cough* hanging chads, either...

Boy, is PETA Gonna Be Pissed!!!!

Posted By Deebow

This is graphic, but funny...  And definitely worth a look because it is yet one more look at what it actually takes to ensure the safety of Americans on the battlefield, and at home.

Check this out here.

I wonder what that dog was thinking?  I wonder what the insurgents were thinking?

Chuck and Carren Z Starring in "The Night of the Living Democrats"

Posted By Blackfive

Disclaimer:  No Democrats were hurt in the production of this movie.

Disclaimer 2:  DRINK ALERT!

Go visit Chuck and Carren over at From My Position...On the Way! and SpouseBuzz.

Ask The Wolf...

Posted By The Wolf

...anything you want.  I've got a 'light' weekend ahead, so I'll have some time to respond to queries and inquisitive people.

Post a question in the comments, or email me a the.mr.wolf at gmail.  I'll post all here and in comments.

Just remember, a Wolf just may bite...

-W

Continue reading "Ask The Wolf..."

The Worst Military Recruiting Commercials Of All Time

Posted By Blackfive

So in a chat with the Donovan, Cass, and Carrie about some inter-service rivalries, I went and dug up some old USMC recruiting commercials that made me laugh (it was very effective at recruiting Dungeons & Dragons players for the US Marines)...If you need a lava monster killed, call in the Marines:

And...the Maze:

Of course, the Army has no room to talk when it comes to the commercials from the 80s and 90s (lame with some latent tendencies...).

I'll end this post with the most awesome US Army Commercials of all time...via the Family Guy ("Your experience may differ"):

And the Simpsons (Skinner was SF):

If you can find some old recruiting commercials, put the links in the comments.  I tried finding the Airborne one where "we do more before 9am, blah, blah, blah" with the sergeant who says "Morning First Sergeant" (and then was actually bounced out for drug abuse).

Today Is National Airborne Day - Part IV - The Military Motivator Blog

Posted By Blackfive

The Military Motivator blog begins thusly.

And for two months has put up some great posters.   There's something for almost every branch and fighting force:

And there's humor.  Lots of it.

Check it out.

W. Thomas Smith Jr. honored the Airborne family last year.  I loved that he remembered the old joke.  I wonder what the school is like these days (I know that the Donovan visited it a year or two ago):

Sixty-six years of Airborne combat
From the early Parachute Test Platoon to modern special operations forces
 
By W. Thomas Smith Jr.
Contributing Editor
NavySEALs.com
 
When I attended jump school more than 25 years ago, there was a saying among non-paratroopers that ground week separated the men from the boys. Tower week separated the fools from the men. And during the third and final week, the fools jumped.
 
Of course, it was all light-hearted jabbing and a bit of sincere professional jealousy.
 
We knew then – as every soldier, sailor, airman, and Marine knows today – there is something special about a combat-trained parachutist or paratrooper, something uncommon that sets him apart from the ordinary foot-soldier.
 
It’s not simply the fact that a paratrooper jumps out of a perfectly good airplane – though not everyone has the physical courage to do that – but he does so ready to fight, knowing full-well that he will probably be outnumbered by the enemy on the ground; certainly surrounded; and that his survival depends on his ability to catch the enemy by surprise; kill him, perhaps in close quarters; and continue to fight with limited food, equipment, and ammunition until he is reinforced by heavier ground units...

Read the whole piece here.

More National Airborne Day Posts:

Today Is National Airborne Day - Part I
Today Is National Airborne Day - Part II - Airborne Bloggers
Today Is National Airborne Day - Part III
Today Is National Airborne Day - Part IV - The Military Motivator
Today Is National Airborne Day - Part V - The Video
Today Is National Airborne Day - Part VI - HALO!

OPS-INTEL at 1315, everyday...the Video

Posted By Blackfive

I found this video particularly hilarious...In Afghanistan, a Marine Battalion XO (Major-type) would walk in to the Commo Shop everyday and announce,  "Gentlemen!  OPS-INTEL Brief at 1315.  Everyday.  OPS-INTEL Brief at 1315" and then turn around and leave.  As he would pick on the red-headed and smart-ass commo officer (Lieutenant-type), the Commo shop decided to film this event (everyday for six months unknown to the XO) and make a video.  Here it is...

This is like TPS Reports in the Marine Corps...

General George Patton On the Middle East Today

Posted By Blackfive

About one million of you have sent this video of what Patton would say about us and our situation today - MUST SEE:

For you troops who have YouTube blocked by Uncle Sam, the end quote is pretty righteous:

...years from now, when you're sitting around with your family, with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, "What did you do in the Great War on Terror?"...you won't have to say, "Well...I listened to far left bullshit and sat on my ass and grew more concerned with American Idol than I was about American security and freedom."

I'm Sending CPT Wedley (Battalion Disciplinator) to Speak with Scott Thomas

Posted By Blackfive

After Jimbo and I have posted about The New Republic's idiotic emails from "Scott Thomas", CPT Wedley would like to meet him and discuss professional behavior...

A Mini-Marine

Posted By Grim

"Mike The Marine" was one of the first Marines -- and maybe the first active-duty Marine -- to join the blogosphere.  Today, he's a father. 

Drop by and give the man some encouragement.  :)

The Differential Theory of the U.S. Armed Forces (Snake Model)

Posted By Blackfive

My solution to putting salve on the hurt of the Marines is to make fun of everybody...yes, you've seen it before, but it still rings true:

The Ultimate Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model)

Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

Air Force, O-6 and above: "Get that damned snake off the fairway!"

Armor: Runs over snake. Never knows it,as well as where the tank and the snake is on the battlefield. Continues directly ahead wondering what all those new buttons in his turret do.

Army Aviation: Has GPS ten digit grid to snake. Stands off at a range greater than any other weapon system and destroys snake with precision fires at a cost equivilant of one Mercedes 350SEL. Returns to base for fighter management and a "cool one".

Army Shrink. Attempts to get snake to explain its sexual feelings about its mother.

Chaplain. Tries to get snake to attend services, mend its ways.

Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in depth analysis based on obscure 5 series FM about how to defeat snake using counter mobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake operations. (Engineer School tries to hide the fact that M9 ACE proves ineffective against snakes).

Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

Military Intelligence, G-2: Sanke? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing professional courtesy.

Marines, ForceRecon: Follows snake, gets lost.

Marines, Infantry: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

Mech Infantry: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

Military Intelligence, S-2: Reports to ground troops that snake is a non-combatant. Six Infantry wounded. MI states that if the ground forces would have read the nesting diagram provided in the 24 page enemy intel report, they would have known the snake was a possible threat.

Military Police, Criminal Investigation: Handcuffs snake's head to its tail, reads it its Miranda rights, then proceeds to beat snake to a pulp with night stick.

Missileers, Air Force: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

Military Police, Field: Snake safely infiltrates rear area of operations.

Navy SeaBees: Build snake elaborate rec room, complete with secret still.

Navy, SEAL: Expends all ammunition and several grenades, then calls for naval gunfire in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites the SEAL, and dies of salt water poisoning. Hollywood makes film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

Navy, Surface Action Group: Fires off 50 cruise missiles fro several ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

Ordnance: IDs snake as having improper scales. Deadline snake and order parts against snake. Parts come in 15 days later but the snake has been upgraded to FMC due to scrounging of parts through improper channels.

Para-Rescue: Lands on snake upon descending, thereby injuring it, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.

Pilot, A-10: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

Pilot, Air Force, B-52: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

Pilot, Air Force, F-15: Misidentifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

Pilot, Air Force, F-16: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but gets direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multimillion dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

Pilot, Air Force, Fighter, Generic: Mis-identifies the snake as a HIND and engages it with missiles. Crew Chief paints snake on airplane.

Pilot, Air Force, Transport: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, and delivers two weeks after due date.

Pilot, Army, AH-64 Apache: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infrared. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.

Pilot, Army, HH-53 Jolly Green Giant: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out flares to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

Quartermaster: Encounters snake, then loses contact. Can not identify who owns snake by hand receipts. Orders new snake through supply channels. Request is denied by higher authority; issuing the unit a snake will bring the manager to a zero balance; one snake must remain on hand at all times as per their boss' guidance.

Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

Signal, Enlisted: Tries to communicate with snake . . . fails despite repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate.

Signal, Officer: Informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to videoconference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. SigO abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, bitches, and takes credit. In the end, GTE and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the two smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake dies of old age.

SJA: Swear they saw something like that on the Discovery Channel . . . spend weeks arguing if it was a snake or not.

Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

Transportation Corps: "Snake? What snake? We were sleeping in the truck."

War Correspondent. Decides snake is patriotic nationalist agrarian reformer being molested by imperialist U.S. forces, asks snake for directions to nearest bar. If bitten by snake, charges U.S. troops with neglect of duty to protect freedom of the press.

D-Day - What If the Greatest Generation were stuck with our generation's media?

Posted By Blackfive

The Combat Report put this video together to demonstrate what would happen if we saddled the greatest generation with our generation's media:

As an antidote, go check out Mary Katherine Ham's post for D-Day.  She honors one of my personal heroes, Major Dick Winters, and others with links and videos.

Speaking of Dick Winters, here's the "Band of Brothers" Day of Days video of Easy Company's Airborne Assault into France.

Delicious!

Posted By Blackfive

Thought that vets and active alike might "enjoy" this photo about Marine chow in Iraq.

U.S. Marines are served two hot meals a day. Some of the items they have grown to love are the shrimp scampi, pot roast and chicken alfredo at Command Outpost Norseman, Rutbah, Iraq, May 2, 2007. U.S. Marine Corps photo by Staff Sgt. Stephen L. Traynham.

Mmmmm, not that the above seems appealing but I'm not sure if I'd go back to cold hot dogs out of an MRE pouch filled with water and floating chunks of fat...or the original turkey ala-king that tasted like cold vomit.  Delicioso!

"This Camo is Good!"

Posted By Blackfive

How to get a few winks when you're supposed to working on that "Honey Do!" list (the digital camo is THAT good):

The Worst Recruiting Commercial of All Time is for the Navy

Posted By Blackfive

...of Japan.

Um, and you thought the British Navy wasn't looking so good lately...

Not Safe For Work - the meaning behind top gun

Posted By Blackfive

I usually don't post this kind of stuff, but, while watching it, I LMAOROTF.  It's been around for awhile, and I've heard the theory before. 

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!

CONTAINS HARSH LANGUAGE, TOP GUN SCENES, KENNY LOGGINS MUSIC, AND TIM ROBBINS!!!!

Don't say I didn't warn you...I'm sending this to every pilot I know:

"Amenities International"

Posted By Grim

It's normally Jimbo's job to link to Michelle Malkin's stuff, but I'll make an exception for the video "Amenities International."  I'd embed the video, but that's another thing that's Jimbo's department.  This rich media stuff is, well, too rich for me.

Understanding Hand and Arm Signals

Posted By Blackfive

Harvey of Bad Example sends the link to a blog I haven't linked to in ages.  The most excellent Kevin Ecker posts descriptions of hand and arm signals used by our warriors to take down tangos...

If you ever have a difficult time understanding the intent of these signals by watching, say Blackhawk Down or Band of Brothers, this guide will certainly help you.

Trust me, Rangers like Crotchety Old Bastard, Cadillac Tight, and Enlisted Swine will cherish this post [shameless Ranger blogger plugs.  sue me].

So Ruck Up and go check it out at Eckernet.

Military Football Humor

Posted By Blackfive

[Another repost from '05]

Over at the Donovan's blog - New SecDef Directive: Joint Rules for the Army-Navy-Air Force-Marine Corps Game.  If you can't make fun of yourselves (and the Navy and the Air Force and the Marines)...?

In all fairness...Navy Football Highlights

Posted By Blackfive

Since I posted the Army's Football video, and in all fairness to the Navy, here is the Navy Football video:

GO ARMY!!! BEAT NAVY!!!

GI Idioms and Phrases

Posted By Blackfive

Austin Bay is collecting military idioms and phrases.  Please either leave a comment with your contribution or email him at his site.

I contributed "Embrace the suck."

Marines VS Camel Spiders

Posted By Blackfive

Marines lose.

What's the range of a squeal from a US Marine?

Sean at Doc in the Box uses Camel Spiders to test the squeal capacity of US Marines.  He filmed a video, when he was in Iraq, of Marines cowering before the awesome might of the deadly gruesome Camel Spider.

The idea was a hodgepodge of blog posts about camel spiders and how I was always talking about grown Marines screaming like little girls. Tonight I will have proof!

So I bent over and picked critter up, pulled my digital camera out of my pocket and started a quest to all of the shops around the squadron. My plan of attack was; I would walk up to people filming and tell them I was making a video to send home about Iraq, ask them their name, how they liked Iraq and what they thought of camel spiders and halfway through that question. I would toss the carcass onto their laps. The numbers that came from the process? Out of 15 subjects tested, 5 did indeed squeal like little girls (one was female though). The squealers as a whole did jump out of their chairs or from where ever they were standing, moving almost faster then the eye could see away from the spider. Two of the subjects started swearing a blue streak and vowing revenge upon my body. One forewarned possible subject saw me approaching his area and started picking at his fingernails with a large knife. I didn't include him in the study...

Hopefully, Doc has ETS'd from his unit...

Army-Navy Game Rivalry Starts Early

Posted By Blackfive

Commander Salamander takes a serious look at the Navy's athleticism...check it out, and, if you know of any video for our side, send me an email.

Salamander had me LingMAO and then questioning the validity of DADT with a force like that...

Oh yeah...GO ARMY, BEAT NAVY!

Update:  These games may be the only way that Army wins this year.  Paper Football and The Passing Game (Armed Forces)

"We support those not as smart as John Kerry" - At the Army-Air Force Game

Posted By Blackfive

A West Point Cadet sends this along with the photo below:

I'm a cadet at West Point, and tonight at our game against the Air Force Academy, a big sign emerged, and it was shown to the Corps of Cadets, who cheered wildly, and then shown to the Air Force cadets, who also cheered.

I caught part of the game last night (Air Force destroyed Army 43-7).  Here's the photo:

Wow, who'd have thought that - "John Kerry bringing the armed services together..."

Barraks Linebackers...

Posted By Blackfive

Remember Terry Tate - Office Linebacker?

Well, Army Cadets have been putting it into practice.  Below is evidence of Assertive and Adaptive thinking...

Barraks Linebacker - West Point cadet-style:

From North Georgia College and State University (best line about the PDA and definitely check it out at 1:25) - Corps Linebacker:

(Click on blackspace to start.)

Okay, cadets, are there any better ones out there?

Update: The Regular Army has one that has both Soldiers and Air Force personnel in it (no Marines as claimed in the Comments below, though).  It has, by far, some of the best hits.

CPT Wedley put the hurt on...

Good thing Private Spicolli isn't here...

Posted By Blackfive

BookLinker forwards this article from CNN about Canadian troops encountering an interesting obstacle:

Canada troops battle 10-foot Afghan marijuana plants
OTTAWA, Canada (Reuters) -- Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy -- almost impenetrable forests of marijuana plants 10 feet tall.

General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defense staff, said Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana.

"The challenge is that marijuana plants absorb energy, heat very readily. It's very difficult to penetrate with thermal devices. ... And as a result you really have to be careful that the Taliban don't dodge in and out of those marijuana forests," he said in a speech in Ottawa, Canada.

"We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them," he said.

Even successful incineration had its drawbacks.

"A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those [forests] did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action," Hiller said dryly.

One soldier told him later: "Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I'd say 'That damn marijuana'."

Hey, Top, let's send in Private Spicolli (audio wav file)...