FM 3-0 for Dummies

Posted By Blackfive

The new US Army Operations (Doctrine for Dummies) Manual is launched over at the Donovan's place and it. is. hilarious.  Jimbo is gonna love it.  Here's a just one part of it:

...Whacking bad people is dangerous. It’s also hard. It’s easier and safer to whack the bad people if you do it from the air or the ocean. That’s because the bad people can’t afford the super weapons that do stuff from there. That’s why we have to be nice to the Navy and Air Force; so they will whack bad people with great enthusiasm. Unfortunately, sometimes the Navy and Air Force get too enthusiastic at whacking people and they hurt Army Soldiers and other not so bad people that ended up in the wrong place. That’s why we have to spend a lot of effort telling them where we are and what we need them to do. We also try to stay out of their way when they are too busy whacking cities and countries and stuff. We also have to do a lot of explaining to civilian bureaucrats about what they need to do to clean up after the bad people get whacked. This is called “unified action” but it’s really like going over to the neighbors to apologize for breaking their window...

Castle Argghhh! has exceprts and a pdf download of the new manual.

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Comments

[Uncle Jimbo]

Oh Baby,

I am going to ask Donovan if I can play too. I smell a video.

Cordially,

Uncle J

[Cannoneer No4]

Ref: Para 7, FM 3-0

7. Dealing with information is hard. The bad people don’t play by the rules and they lie… a lot. One screw-up on our part and all the not so bad people get all upset because the bad people make a big deal about it. We need to spend a lot of time telling the not so bad people why we are different than the really bad people. Usually they don’t get it. Meanwhile the media people are busy trying to uncover the giant government conspiracy that we are supposed to be running. Also every hacker and pedophile out there is trying to screw up our computers and radios. This makes it really hard. Meanwhile the Air Force and Navy are wondering what’s wrong, since it’s not so hard for them. Once in a while, somebody on our side figures out what we should be doing. This is called Knowledge Management.

The Air Force and Navy aren't the only ones

[Synova]

Didn't the Air Force recently announce a Cyberspace Command?

[Cincinnati_Bob]

I'm thinking that's awfully true to life, ala Team America. Enjoyed it.

[rick554]

Yeah but the AIR FORCE does its best. Very cool article! The Squids too!