Grim's email project- Matty O' supports the Marines

Posted By Uncle Jimbo

I think it is noble of Grim to provide entertainment and a morale boost to his compatriots still serving in his beloved Corps. I have sent my missive wishing them all the best and thanking them for their service, but I just had to share Matty O' Blackfive's heartfelt sentiments as he is far too modest to do so himself.

Dear Leatherneck McJarHead,

Grim here at Blackfive asked us all to send messages to you folks serving in Iraq. I would have had this done sooner but my daughter was using our children's dictionary and since this was going to Marines I wanted to make sure you could.... well you know.

I had always wanted to be a United States Marine, but sadly failed to post a low enough score on my ASVAB and got bumped to the Army. I was always fascinated by the precision of Marine drill and ceremonies with the crusty old Gunny hollering deranged gibberish, and yet everyone in perfect step.

OWWWLLLLFFF, RYE, OWWWWLLLFFF
Yurr OWWWLLLLLFFF, Yurrr OWWWWLLLFFF! 

Yurr OWWWWLLLLFFFF RYE!

Poetry.

The Marine Corps imagery as well was very impressive. I mean the blue dress uniform is far and away the smoothest of all the services, and that pin with the chicken sitting on a beach ball, fishing and yelling Go Navy accentuates it perfectly.  The proud tradition of the Naval Infantry still attracts the finest among us to spend time in tight quarters with seamen.

So Semper Fi, Do or Die!  Eat the Apple.......awww you know how that ends.

Cordially,

Matty O' Blackfive

Matt is a true patriot and humanitarian and I for one am proud to be authoring associated with him. Here is the email address for RCT 6.

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Comments

[Blackfive]

Dude - Some neanderthal just keyed my 1973 Ford Pinto (I call her "Boom-Boom").

Thanks.

Cordially,

Matty O'

[rgrmom82]

o. my. gawd. HAHAHAHAH....
You guys absolutely lead the freak parade

[Grim]

I wish you could have caught him doing it. It would have been worth him doing it, just so you could've caught him doing it. I mean, what's more @#$@#t than to @#$@ with a man's car?

(Sound of $.50 in the Guinness jar).

[Steve O.]

AHHH, RUFFFF RUUUUUUFFFFF ARRRGGGG
ARRRRRGHHH RUFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!

And one more thing.....

RUUUFFFFF WWWWWWOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!
EEEERRRPPPPPPPP

:-)

[Ymarsakar]

Now that was funny. Beachball... really should hit the nerve clusters there.

[Mike the Marine]

Dear Grunty McShuffletothedoor,

So good to hear from you. It’s been a long time. How's your wife and my kids?

In the spirit of your recent birthday, I’d just like to say congratulations. It’s not every day that we can celebrate an organization 10 times the size of the Marine Corps that somehow remains one tenth as effective. Your stunning ability to be the last to arrive and the first to leave is something that every Marine envies as well, I can assure you.

I know how envious you are of our uniforms and that you recently did your level-best to copy our digital pattern cammies. If I were you, though I’d talk to the guy who made them the pale, puke-lime-green color that they came out to be. As far as scientists can tell, they don’t actually match ANY color in nature, therefore making them largely worthless in the field. I'd get my money back if I was you, but then I don't have the penchant for fraud, waste, and abuse that you do when it comes to fiscal matters...

But you and me can and will always agree on one thing: the Air Force still sucks.

Semper Fi,
Get bent,

Leatherneck McJarHead

[HomefrontSix]

Oh crap. I just norked Coke on to my D@mn keyboard. Thanks @$$holes. (*drops 50 cents into the jar). At least I had already mailed off my letter of support.

[OldSoldier54]

Dang UJ! I think you hit a nerve there ...

[Defendusa]

That most definitely required a spew alert!!!
My kid asked why I was laughing so hard and I had to explain cadence calling...and how it it comes to pass that a "seasoned caller" says er, ah, what B5 said. I had to f***ing ante up to the scotch box(uh, no bud, just Lagauvulin)AFTER laughing and saying "f**k me dead!!" That was ABSOLUTELY CLASSIC!!

[Uncle Jimbo]

Nice riposte Mike,

I will beat the wife and your kids, 'cuz if I don't know why they deserve it, they do.

Cordially,

Uncle J

[Traveler]

But you and me can and will always agree on one thing: the Air Force still sucks.

And don't you forget it! As my crew chief says, "If it sucks and blows, it goes!"

Or, as the old NCO was trying to explain the principle of a high-bypass turbine engine to a new 2LT, "Sir, I'll make this simple. Suck-squeeze-bang-blow. And that's all you will ever need to know."

-Traveler

[Carrie]

I am f@#$%%%% laughing at Grim's response.
It was totally $%^^^ restrained.
Had I written the response, there would have been so many more f%%$^, s$%^^head, a##%$^'-hole's in it, I would have owed so f#$$%#$#$#$ much to the swear jar, y'all would have been able to vacation in Tahiti on my f$%^&^ dime.

Oh wait....I already do owe that. Just tell me where to send it.
Being the daughter and granddaughter of Air force "types"
I can only ask..
what the f#$%?
Marines are so much cooler. And hotter.
That's why they get the hottest babes.
Heh...doubt me? Ask Cassandra.

[Uncle Jimbo]

Oh s**t, I forgot about Cass. Bye!

Cordially,

Uncle J

[Ymarsakar]

The signature of the email says Matt, but all the classical indicators say "Jimbo". So which is it really?

Although seriously, what made the email funny for me was that it was really really trying to be earnest. Low keyed, straight delivery. The visual imagery it creates is downright shocking once you realize how it juxtaposes on Marine Corps traditions.

[Teresa]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA...

Oh the hell with it - here's $5 for the Guiness Jar...

[Jim C]

Request noted... email sent. Now, on to the other email... someone owes me for a new laptop as I just spewed coke all over the one I have now. D@#n that was funny.

Jim C

[Uncle Jimbo]

If you mix whiskey with that coke it doesn't hurt the puter just makes it sassier.

Cordially,

Uncle J

[Marine6]

Dear Uncle Jimbo

I appreciate your attitude of gret respect for Marines. I assure you that there are many Marines who think highly of the Army. In fact, as I neared the end of my first enlistment I fell in with a rougish character one evening in a watering hole in Los Angeles. It turned out that he was an Army recruiter and he was quick to tell me how wonderfully I would fit in with the Army. He promised me that I could go to airborne school right off the bat, and I was really glad when he told me that the Army would even give me a parachute before I stepped out of a perfectly good airplane.

The best part of his offer was when he told me that I could go Special Forces and that I would get all sorts of neat warrior bells and whistles to wear on my uniform along with a cute little green beenie which would set me apart from all those other more common Army types.

Alas, when I went in to fill out the papers it was discovered that I was not eligible for service in your beloved group. You see, my parents were married to each other. And that, I was told, was an absolute bar to my entry to the Army.

And so I sharply executed an about face and marched out in my Marine Dress Blues happily saying to my self

Yourlef, haydalef, haydalef ri lef,
Lefhaydalefhaydalef,

I'm really sorry that the uniqueness of your little green beenies has gone away. It must be tough to remember you are elite troops when everybody gets a beenie. And from what I can see it appears that almost everybody now gets pretty much the same bells and whistles so it must be really hard to tell who might be a warrior and who is a REMF.

Who would have thought that something as simple as my parent's marriage certificate saved me from a fate worse than death.

Marine6 Sends

[invernessie]

E-mail missive sent.

Pintos!!! Brings back fond memories. My dad had 2 gold Pintos back in the day. I took my drivers' license test in one of the Pintos during one of Buffalo's worst blizzards. Passed with flying colors. Good times.

[Mary*Ann]

I just love readin' this stuff.

[rgrmom82]

Ok...somebody dropped some whacky cyber tobacky
in the wires!!! I haven't laughed that hard since about 6 threads ago when matty got us all virtually pasted and forced us to use innapropriate language...repeatedly. In fact, I still have a blog-over.

My kid's army...and yes I do know who he daddy be.
Murine 6, u bedder leev theez army boyz a loan b4 thay hav to keek yer a$$ fer da grene beenies bidness.

UJ, Cass is looking for you!

[FbL]

Uncle J says, "If you mix whiskey with that coke it doesn't hurt the puter just makes it sassier."

I thought your drink was RUM and Cokes. Or was that Shirley Temples... :D

[Mike the Marine]

Uncle J is all about the Shirley Temples... he's ALWAYS liked little girls...

...That MAY have been a bit offside...

TRUE... but offside, nonetheless...

[brian]

That's some classic shi'ite. And I thought you guys were tough on Dingy Harry!

[Renee P]

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA
Ahem....
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHA *snort*

Mike the Marine.....classic.

My sister used to write and edit urban warfare manuals for the Marine Corps. They were required to be written at a 5th grade reading/comprehension level.

[Orion]

Ah-HA! Advantage: ARMY - My friend used to write manuals for the US Army (he worked on the manual for the M-9 ACE - He told me that he was frustrated because he had to write to a SIXTH grade level.

CLEARLY the Soldiers are SMARTER than the Marines! ;-)

Orion

[Old Tanker]

This sounds like the locker room at my Friday morning hockey games. I have a current Marine and a former Marine in my locker room. The former Marine told me that he had enlisted 54 years ago last Thursday on the Army's Birthday, and how did I like that??? I thanked him for the best birthday gift he could have ever given the Army, by NOT joining. The current Marine, well he's a goalie, 'nuff said....

[warvet48]

Best laughter I've had in a long while!!!!!

[Into the Blue]

Dearest JarHead and Grunt et al.

As I write this from my "forward deployed" unit, my air conditioning is turned up to high, my cable t.v. is showing the soft porn glow of Skinamax, and the popcorn maker is popping quite nicely. There are three beers chilled to perfection with my name on them and soon my ration card with have that lovely "X" with the circle through it signifying yet another fine night of alcohol compsumption!

So even in wartime I have to ask my ape-like brethren...."Who is the smart one here??"

Toodles,

Into the Blue

aka Mortarman11c ;)

[Blackfive]

Marine6 - Many of us still want to punch Shinseki in the sack for the morale boosting issuance of black berets...seriously, ridiculous. Yeah, that's the four star who every pundit loves to refer to with respect to the war in Iraq and his legacy was deciding that Army needed to have some piece of formal wear...

And I always love when Marines talk about how lean their org is. Most of my friends from the Marines talk about this all the time. Puh-lease.

The Marines are so lean that they couldn't do jack without the support, transport, medical, blah, blah,blah of...

the Navy.

[Cassandra]

Oh s**t, I forgot about Cass.

Oh yeah. Start running, Navy boy :p

Seriously, all kidding aside we are all on the same team, no?

My Dad, father in law, and brother in law are/were all career Navy, my husband's uncle and my Grandad were Army. And I am prouder than I can say of them all.

And humbled. Very humbled.

Though Jimbo really does need a spanking.

[Carrie]

Something tells me that Jimbo would enjoy that.

[Grim]

"Seriously, all kidding aside we are all on the same team, no?"

Ah, yes -- I think there's a regulation that requires the ladies to say this at some point. :)

Once upon a time, I was hanging out with a group like this, having just this same discussion in different terms. A woman named Renee, whose brother was a Ranger but who was dating a former Marine, Ken, who was sitting in. Ken was giving the Army fits.

Renee, like Cassandra, felt the urge of the feminine regulation, and tried to make peace. "Now, boys," she said. "This is all fun, but remember -- really, the services go hand in hand."

"The Rangers sure do!" shouted Ken.

[kat-missouri]

And the military spouses want to know just how in the H&## did you get a stain *there* and you want us to get it out before inspection tomorrow because this is the only one with all of the appropriate geegaws, rank, digital pattern and correct number/positioning of pockets because you blew your uniform allowance on a Pinto?

[Cassandra]

Yes, well the Princess lives to provide amusement for the male side of the house, Grim.

Most of that was distraction for my saying I wanted to spank Jimbo. But then, doesn't every woman?

/high fiving Carrie and sauntering away slooooowly

[Cassandra]

Something tells me that Jimbo would enjoy that.

Something tells me I wouldn't survive the attempt.

[rgrmom82]

AHhhh yes, but what fun in the trying;0

[Uncle Jimbo]

No one has yet to to be damaged in any way while spanking me, or vice versa.

Cordially,

Uncle J

[Renee P]

Hey Orion,
How about we get my sister and your friend together and they can commence to draw pictures for the Air Force warfare manual...

[I'm Gonna Pay For This.... heh]

All that, and cordial too :p

[Mike the Marine]

So even in wartime I have to ask my ape-like brethren...."Who is the smart one here??"

Toodles,

Into the Blue

I NEVER SAID you weren't smart. I said you SUCK...

BIG difference...

[MaryAnn]

This place is like freakin' Animal House!!! Exactly the laugh I needed today. Thanks, everybody.

[Ymarsakar]

The Marines are so lean that they couldn't do jack without the support, transport, medical, blah, blah,blah of...

Well, sure, certainly a katana could not slice folks up without the use of a skilled person and the support of his arms. But you have to admit, even with that, that the creation of the blade itself is an artform, Matt.

And of course they may say that they didn't have the fancy medical support back in the Barbary Pirates days, when their raid succeded in burning down a captured US frigate.

Ah, yes -- I think there's a regulation that requires the ladies to say this at some point. :)

Peace and harmony upon the world, Grim. (holds left palm over heart)

If you mix whiskey with that coke it doesn't hurt the puter just makes it sassier.

Think you getting plenty of sass right here, Jim.

[Orion]

I have to post a link to a cartoon called 'Perceptions' I uploaded to my blog ages ago.

I think it pretty well sums up the attitude differences between Army, Airborne, Rangers, Army Aviation (Agile, Mobile, and Hostile!), and the Air Force...Many of you will have seen it before. It gave me a great laugh and my Lieutenant (fire service), the ex-Airborne Ranger loved it too.

Enjoy!

Orion

[Orion]

Renee,

That sounds like a plan - Um, is the Air Force cleared to use crayons of more than 3 colors yet?

Orion

(My Uncle was a short-colonel in the USAF, so I love picking on them)

[Cassandra]

Mike:

I'm going to have to ask you not to do that again. The little bubbles really hurt when they go up my nose...

[Mike the Marine]

Tiiiiny bubbles... innn the nooooose...

[rgrmom82]

LOLOLOLOLOL>>>>>>>>snort

[LarryConley]

Five Newly minted recruits (one from each of the five branches of the millitary) come upon a rock. Still indoc..err mindful of the experience of basic training each reacts without thought:

Army: A rock!! Quick get some paint!
Navy:A rock... let the Marines deal with it.
Air Force:Quick! Get that FOD off the ground!
Coast Guard:Better look under it.. probably concealing contraband.
Marines:Thank God! Gunny says if I squeeze it hard enough it will produce beer.

[Ymarsakar]

I'm trying to imagine how this thread would go at a party where everyone was a little to moderately drunk, and with the same background as the commenters here.

[Carrie]

Ymars,
That could either be a whole lot of fun or a whole lot of trouble.
Or both.

[js]

Wound up in the Army.

Wish I could have joined the USMC. Unfortunately, my parents were only related by marriage.

[js]

Oh, I forgot.

Air Force sucks.

[Xformed]

I know! Save it for next spring at the MilBlogs Conference! Yeah, the Friday night reception, complete with a mic at the podium!

[Cassandra]

Wish I could have joined the USMC. Unfortunately, my parents were only related by marriage...

Funny... and here I'd always considered the fact that so many Marines (such as my husband, for instance) came from career Army or Navy parents to be conclusive proof the human race has, thank God, continued to evolve. Raise a child right and let him learn from your mistakes and he'll make wise decisions, I always say.

/salutes Jimbo and heads for the barricades

Save it for next spring at the MilBlogs Conference! Yeah, the Friday night reception, complete with a mic at the podium!

For that, even *I* might sneak in :p

[Carrie]

highfives Cass...
Outstanding!!!!

[USMC Steve]

I saw one particular comment that I thought I would respond to. First, I know that none of the above is intended in an evil manner, so remember that this isn't either.

Regarding the Corps being so lean, and needing the Navy to give us all our support, incorrect. The only things the Corps is not self supporting in are medical and religious fields, and as far as transport, yes we do ride Navy.

Now, how does the Army get where it is going? Unless you hump, or plan to go less than 200 miles by helo, you get flown by the Air Force, or RIDE NAVY.

A reminder from the first Gulf War. For several months, until the Army's logistical tail caught up to the field snuffies, the MARINE CORPS was providing significant amounts of supplies that the doggies didn't have. We go to war with everything we will need from the start. Makes the war go smoother for sure.

Happy birthday, Army.

[Renee P]

Orion,
The Air Force was cleared to use THREE colors???? When did that happen? We've been given permission to use finger paints for the USN manuals---you know, water based and all that.