The Goldberg Bovine Political Classification Hypothesis

Posted By Uncle Jimbo

Jonah Goldberg has not given us any quality whimsy lately. He has a well-deserved reputation for somewhat bent takes on odd things which he used to share with us regularly via the G-files etc. Now being a member of The Tribe and a pundit, he is basically obliged to have a take on the many Jew-hating related things going on. That will wear on you and one of the first victims of an overdose of Zionist Protocols is the funny. Gladly the intermittent internet access and bucolic scenery have restored him.

Cows Fer Eatin' Vs. Cows Fer Milkin' [Jonah Goldberg]

Here's a completely random, far from analytically rigorous , observation.......When you think about it, cow-rich states dedicated to dairy seem to have more left wing politics than cow-rich states dedicated to meat production. Doing no research whatsoever and merely going by stereotypes about cheese and steak, cow-dairy states are:

Wisconsin
Vermont
Oregon
Minnesota
New York

Cow-meat states are:

Idaho
Texas
Wyoming
Montanna
(and I suppose) Oklahoma

Two possible partial historic explanations (i.e. guesses) come to mind. First, the sorts of people who historically went into dairy production were Scandinavian socialist types while the people who went into meat production were Scotch-Irish cowboy types.

I have two dogs in this fight. Number one, I live in Wisconsin and proudly claim the Bluest city in the Midwest as my hometown. Number two, my Dad is from Nebraska and our family has been helping convert Polled Herefords into lunch for many moons.

That gives me a foot in each camp, although my personal position is unequivocally pro-porterhouse. Plus if you farm milk cows you have to get up every day several hours prior to the butt crack of dawn to milk them or they eventually explode one-thin-mint style.

I guess I even have a third dog as he ascribes the dairy state/nanny state connection to Scandinavian socialist types, and I hail from Hansons, Swansons, and Piersons and am barely two generations removed from the Swedish homeland.

That said I don't see much wrong with his thinking here. It matches the Yin Yang nature of our body politic and people certainly self-select to live with those having similar beliefs. I think my clan's straying from the milk-farming can be explained by the Irish branch of the Hanson tree which probably came about on a raid of the Emerald Isle. That has led to transforming this

 into this

Now don't get me wrong, along with a tasty beverage I do enjoy a wicked xxx sharp cheddar. And I greatly appreciate the toiling of the many who awake as I lie down to gather the bovine nectar. But that ain't me. So I stand foresquare in support of the Goldberg Bovine Political Classification Hypothesis. Now my Kingsford is whitening nicely, the first sip of my tasty beverage will certainly lead to more, and I now will prove the hypothesis by grilling the king of steaks, Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the Porterhouse.

Take a peek at the Jonah Goldberg Smart Ass Answer Library too, from his trip here to talk at the UW. Some very tasty beverages were sampled afterwards at the Memorial Union.

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Normally Id say By Jove, but this cows as meat and cows as factories divide is one of those Colombus egg things. So obvious that no one has ever happened upon it beofre, or if they did, they didnt realize the worth of their... [Read More]

Comments

[Grim]

You're not going to want to hear this, Jimbo, but I've got a serious answer to this one too. ;)

Speaking as the resident wearer of Stetson hats, I grew up in cattle country too -- down Georgia way, which is as red as a Red State gets. My father didn't raise cattle, but my uncle did, and all our neighbors, so I spent time repairing fences, and they taught us Agriculture as a required course in school. They grow meat cattle there, and I think Goldberg is righter than he knows.

Modern leftist politics became important in cities, along the coasts, and along major waterways, because of the influence of the unions at the time that those politics were becoming important. As you know, success in politics is less a matter of how you feel than how you organize. The unions were the backbone of the Left until lately, and so it's in traditional union strongholds that you get your Blue States and Blue cities.

Milk cattle production requires something that meat cattle production doesn't -- a strong transportation infrastructure. Milk has to be pasturized, stored properly, and transported quickly. You need the access to the same roads, ports, waterways, etc., that the industries who gave rise to the unions need.

Meat cattle, on the other hand, require almost no infrastructure. You don't really even need a fence, if you brand them and don't mind cutting yours out of the herd when you want one. You need grass, sun, and not much else. You don't even have to keep the meat cold -- you just don't kill the beast until you get it where it's going to be eaten.

Thus, way out in cowboy country, you grow meat cattle. When you want to sell them, you drive them to market -- either in an old-fashioned cattle drive across Texas to the railhead in Kansas, or as we do today, by loading them on a truck and driving it to the stockyard near the railroad.

That means that, because they grew up in the same regions that unions did, milk cattle production will tend to be in Blue regions. Because they needed nobody but themselves and the sun, cowboy culture exists mostly in our beloved Red states.

And there you go. Good eye, Goldberg.

[Uncle Jimbo]

You are a treasure Grim,

I think you make an excellent counter-weight to my almost total lack of seriousness.

Cordially,

Uncle J

[Blackfive]

I think Grim IS Jonah. Have you seen the two of them together at the same time?

No?

See!

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

[Grim]

Jonah now? Last time I was supposed to be Ramesh. I'm going to be doing the whole act, before you know it. (Except K-Lo, whose role as authority figure obviously belongs to Matty.)

[Blackfive]

Do. Not. Mess. With. Lopez.

Fair warning.

[Grim]

Hey, all I asked was: What's cooler, Disrupters or Phasers? (I think disrupters are much better.) Of course, Star Wars style blasters are way better than either.

[FL Mom]

Jonah left Florida off his list. I'm not sure whether dairy or meat is bigger here, but cows are a big industry. :) What an interesting observation though, and backed up by Grim's pile o' facts, it makes sense.

[Uncle Jimbo]

Holy Crap,

Are we the Milblog Corner? I guess I'm Johnny Pod, based on combativeness of rhetoric, but I have to think on it.

Cordially,

Uncle J

[Blackfive]

This is the MilBlog Corner. My comment was that K-Lo has goddess-esque worship status. Just sayin'.

[IllTemperedCur]

Grim probably has a better explanation, I think. The coastal urban liberal/inland rural conservative paradigm seems more plausible to me. I grew up in the San Joaquin valley here in Calif., where dairy is HUGE (Calif. leads the nation in most measures of dairy production). As a side note, I remember the dairy farmers in the valley to be more Dutch & Portugese than Scandinavian, but that's probably just a regional thing. Anyway, as to the politics, most of the valley has been pretty solidly Republican or conservative Democrat for many years, with the notable exception of very liberal attitudes for dairy subsidies (not exactly surprising). I'm now living in Santa Barbara, and we have the same sort of coastal liberal/inland rural conservative fights over development & such.

Still, I gotta admit that I got a good laugh out of using cows as an indicator of regional politics....

[br]

"Because they needed nobody but themselves and the sun, cowboy culture exists mostly in our beloved Red states."

I salute you for that tidy summation!

[Red Man in a Blue State]

I don't know about using cattle as an indicator of politics. The reason dairy farms were profitable in the New York rather than cattle beef is because the dairy product needed to be produced close to the consumer. You couldn't haul 5,000 gallons of milk from Kansas to New York, Philadelphia or Buffalo without turning it into self-churned butter. You could, however, drive those cattle from those red states to a rail line that transported them to blue states for slaughter. For ejemplo, the United Nations is built on land that was once was famous for beef slaughterhouses. And directly across the East River in Queens, dairy farms abounded. It's based on the product, not the people. Anyway, that's my pernt. Interesting observation though.

[armywifetoddlermom]

t-shirt babe,

Where was your kin from in Nebraska? Please add Nebraska to the cow list, for Gods sake, what do you think we do with all of that great flat land?

Farmhand

[Uncle Jimbo]

A Dub,

My dad grew up about 35 miles west of Sioux City near Ponca in a town of 365 called Newcastle. We still have two farms there runnin'cows and growin soybeans.

How do you type standing on one leg twisted up like a pretzel with that yoga stuff?

Cordially,

Uncle J

[armywifetoddlermom]

t-shirt babe,
I am familiar with the area. I am from Northeast Nebraska myself. Next time I am up there, I will walk beans, or detassle, if ya need the help. I am not much good at hayin' to freaking hot for me.

P.S. double jointed.

[ptg]

Nebraska: our license plates used to read "The Beef State". Cattle states don't come any redder than Nebraska.