Remembering SGT Mike Stokely

Posted By Blackfive

Received this email from Robert Stokely, father of Sergeant Michael Stokely who was killed in Iraq last year.  Many of you are probably familiar with Robert's emails as they've been posted on blogs like Mudville and Thunder Run:

August 27, 2006, our family has come full circle on a year of firsts, for on this day a year ago, SGT Mike Stokely,  our beloved husband, son, brother and friend was laid to rest in Corinth Memorial Gardens in Loganville Georgia.  His funeral and final burial was the "end" of an eleven day marathon of agony that had started with the notice of his death on August 16, 2005.  It is difficult to say what was hardest to bear during that eleven day period.  The harshness of pain was fluid, but never absent.  I came to understand why we bury our dead and how you can't begin a lifetime of healing until you have that closure that comes with laying your loved one to a final respectful rest.   

While there was tremendous grief and agony in this eleven day period, there was also great pride that swelled the heart, for how could it not be so as we saw untold support and honor for Mike and our family.  On August 22, 2005, before Mike's body was back from Iraq, over 900 people attended a Memorial Service in Sharpsburg GA where Mike lived the year before he left for Iraq with me, my wife / his "other mom"  and younger brother and sister.  The day after Mike's body came back to the Atlanta area, the town where he went to middle and high school and where he was to be buried - Loganville GA - threw a grand welcome home arrival as police and fire trucks blocked miles of four lane US 78 in both directions, as thousands lined the street.  Kids on ball fields stopped playing their little league games and stood still as he passed.  Resturants stopped serving food as the staff and customers ran to the highway, person after person saluting, standing with hands over hearts, waving flags, cheering, holding signs and best of all, parents holding their smaller children's hands and pointing and obviously explaining what was happening. Bouqets of flowers were thrown in front of the hearse and in front of our cars. At times when we stopped, people ran to touch the hearse, or even shake our hands.  All four Atlanta TV News Channels had helicopters overhead the entire time, doing live broadcasts for the evening news, and of course "film at eleven."   The ordinary kid next door who loved his country enough to give his life for her had come home to a hero's welcome...

More tears and a few laughs await you after the Jump.

It is an irony that you can have so much grief interspersed with such pride swelling in your heart even as tears well in your eyes, and still be able to laugh.  The memory of the very loved we had lost was caught in a moment Mike would have found humorous, and laughed himself that special laugh he had.  As we traveled the highway through Loganville that day of his "welcome home parade", and again to the church for his funeral, many businesses had posted a tribute to Mike on their sign boards.  Our favorite and one to be remembered for all time, was at a small meat market and said  this:

 

                                            "IN HONOR OF MIKE STOKELY"

                                            pork ribs $1.69 lb.

 

Although they probably didn't mean it to come out that way, we loved it, and laughed a much needed, deep down laugh.  Mike would have loved it and  probably thought this business was the only one with any sense left, given all the fuss being made over him.  Forever more, whenever I see pork ribs, I will think of that day and what we now call the "Mike Stokely Special".

 

Then, it was time - a time we wanted to get beyond, but a time we didn't want to see come.  It was 2:00 p.m.August 27, 2005 and time for the funeral.  The funeral service at the church was attended by over a 1,000 people and a processional to the grave stretched as far as the eye could see.  Again, miles of four lane US 78 was blocked and large crowds again lined the street as we passed by.  The small country cemetary was jammed as hundreds, if not more, drew near to the final grave side service.  I was thinking the worst was over, but, oh, how wrong I was.

 

It is hard enough to hold your head up at your son's funeral, and maintain the dignity he would want you as his dad to show, especially realizing the final moments of saying goodbye are at hand.  But then, the final moments became unbearable as the mournful sound of TAPS played for my son as I sat just a few feet from his flag draped casket.   I was ready to break with pain and grief, even as the twenty one gun salute fired rounds.  Then the military escort began to fold the flag that had draped his casket since his return a few days earlier.  I had to focus on something and focus so hard that I could not feel the pain that was wretching me from within.  At first, I focused on a news photographer as he moved quietly and respectfully about taking pictures.  Then, I lost sight of the photographer and the pain was coming back stronger than ever.

 

And then, I focused again, as "he" stood there and caught my eye. DUTY SERGEANT.  He was a broad shouldered, dress uniformed Sergeant standing at the head of Mike's casket as the other soldiers began to lift the flag and ceremoniously fold it.  He looked straight ahead, steeled piercing eyes, at full attention, as though looking right at me.  I just focused on him in the background of my line of sight as the flag was folded in the foreground.  I channeled every emotion and stabbing pain into his focused stare.  Then, with the flag folded, the Duty Sergeant took it and as he was handed one of the shells from the twenty one gun salute, with the same steeled focus, he held the shell up, arm fully extended to the sky and his voice boomed "DUTY" and then he placed the shell in the folded flag.   Then the second shell, again arm fully extended skyward, voice booming, he said "HONOR" and he placed the second shell in the folded flag.  Again, he held a third shell, arm fully extended skyward, and in the same booming voice, he said "COUNTRY" as he placed the shell in the folded flag.    Then he handed the flag, with the three shell casings in the fold to the Georgia National Guard Adjutant General, followed by a crisp salute. The flag from Mike's casket was presented to Mike's wife of three months and eleven days. 

 

I had made it without breaking, I kept my head up and the dignity my son would have wanted.  Yes, there were tears streaming down my cheeks and he would have been o.k. with that.  As we continued to sit in our chairs, those in the receiving line came by to speak to us, DUTY SERGEANT included.  Of all the words spoken, I remember only these spoken to me by DUTY SERGEANT.  He knelt down, looked me in the eye with that same steeled look earlier, and he spoke these words as he gripped my hand firmly "STAY STRONG, STAY STRONG".  However, his eyes spoke as well - YOUR SON WAS STRONG, EVEN IN DEATH.    Now I undestood, for it was my turn to walk the path of strength that SGT Mike Stokely blazed for his dad and entire family.

 

As I got up to walk away, I took the rose I had clutched in my hand and laid it on Mike's casket.  A simple note hand written by me was tied by a ribbon to the rose.  The note read "I love you son" - the very last words I spoke to Mike as we ended our last conversation on earth in his phone call to me on August 8, 2005.  Then they lowered Mike's casket into the ground and sealed his vault.  I picked up a clump of red clay that was dug out of his grave and wrapped it in the tissue that held the tears I had just cried.  I keep this in a plastic bag and look at it often, and will do so the rest of my life.  I look at it for I never want to forget that day, the son I love and the legacy of strength he left for me.

 

Robert Stokely

proud dad of SGT Mike Stokely

KIA by IED near Yusufiyah south of Baghdad 16 Aug 2005 @ 0220 hours local

DUTY HONOR COUNTRY - HE STAYED STRONG TO THE END

John 15:13 - No Greater Love...

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Last December, I wrote about SGT. Mike Stokley over at Moorewatch. His father, Robert Stokely, graciously responded to me via email to thank me. Unfortunately, I let other mail pile on top of them, and I only just found the two emails he sent me aga... [Read More]

Comments

[David M]

It's so obvious that Sgt Stokely was meant to be the person he ended up being, for in his death he has brought together many people, who might never had met, uniting them in a single cause.

This is the single defining character that the Liberal Left does not understand. They pray at the alter of self-consumption, while we pray at the alter of God and those who live their purpose driven life. We do not seek rewards or honor, for honor is the reward for a life spent in service.

Walk softly in Fiddler's Green brother you lived your life in service to the mission now let us finish it for you.

[Maggie45]

David, what beautiful words....

Mr Stokely, every time I read something from you I am filled with deep gratitude. You remind me of what is important in life. Thank you, and I thank your son for his service to our country, to keep us free and safe. God bless you and your family.

[Subsunk]

Mr. Stokely reminds me of the reason we place so much emphasis on the ceremony and circumstance of our memorial ceremonies. The Duty Sergeant is a Leader of Men on that most "special mission" of all -- the Final Mission for our departed Heroes.

Mike Stokely's journey and his father's tales of his missions and his life remind me of a True story I read from COL Don E. Gordon in Patton Township, PA.

"A local Army captain was killed during the 2003 war in Iraq and buried with full military honors in Arlington National Cemetery. Our local newspaper described the ceremony in considerable detail, and I noticed that the wife and the mother of the fallen officer each were presented with their own burial flag and Purple Heart Medal. This unusual procedure might have originated from the experience of a Second Lieutenant I knew at Fort Devens, Mass, where I was assigned in 1969, during the VietNam War."

"The post was responsible for providing Army burial details throughout the Northeast, and I was an instructor assigned to a program that trained officers to serve as burial detachment commanders. Because I recently had returned from VietNam, where many soldiers died, I took special care ensuring the young officers and their enlisted detachments were thoroughly prepared to perform burial ceremonies perfectly."

"I was provided with a good supply of Second Lieutenants to train, but there was one in particular who proved to be a special challenge. He had a hard time during training, and it was apparent that he would need a little extra attention. Nevertheless, I was determined he would perform this duty with the respect and perfection the burial ceremony demanded. We repeatedly rehearsed the procedures until I was convinced the Lieutenant had the mastery, confidence, and poise to perform at Arlington National Cemetery, if necessary."

"When the call came to bury a fallen soldier in a civilian cemetery in Massachusetts, we had one last rehearsal. "Are you ready, LT?" I asked."

"Yes, sir, ready!" he replied.

"Apprehensively, I sent the detachment on its way."

"The day passed slowly, and when the detachment returned at the end of the day, everyone appeared ashen and tight-lipped. What could have happened? My mind immediately began considering the possibilities: Did they scatter the 21 gun salute or drop the casket? Maybe they froze during the playing of Taps or forgot to present the flag."

"The LT stepped forward, looking distressed. "Sir, this did not go well," he said. I anxiously asked what had happened.

"We did everything exactly as we trained," he assured me. "The timing of the salute was perfect, taps was flawless, but it all went downhill after I presented the flag to the wife on behalf of a grateful nation."

"So far, so good. I waited for him to go on, wondering what could have gone wrong after all the hard work they put into training."

"Taking a deep breath, he continued his story: "The mother grabbed the flag from the wife and ran across the cemeterey toward the parked cars. The wife took off after her, tackled her, grabbed the flag, and ran into the limousine and locked herself in."

"I was aghast, but there was more to come. "The mother was screaming and pounding on the doors," the LT said. "Everyone was yelling at everyone. It was ugly."

"So what did you do?" I asked.

"I went to the cemetery flagpole and lowered the flag. Then we folded it and presneted it to the mother on behalf of a grateful nation," the resourceful LT explained."

"Despite my initial concerns, the LT managed to turn a potential disaster into a victory and learned an important lesson in the process: Two flags are better than one." --- COL Gordon

The Men in charge of our burial details have one of the hardest jobs in the world. Many would rather face bullets and bombs than face the sorrow and despair which sometimes inflict the losses of our Heroes. With all the Westboro Baptist churches, antiwar protesters, and media circuses surrounding our Fallen Heroes and their families, it is a wonder there are any families like the Stokely's who can acknowledge openly the pride and the deep respect the majority of our nation believes they and their children deserve.

It is difficult to be a Hero in this country. It is equally difficult to praise and honor their memories with the whole world watching you in your worst hours. And so we have Duty Sergeants and ceremony to fall back on. We perform the rituals which have grown with our country, and become as large as the legends of the Heroes themselves.

I hope someday our entire country, not just a part of it, will once again grow to extend the Love and Respect due the families of the Fallen, and the Honor and Glory their sacrifice deserves.

God Bless you and your family , Mr. Stokely.

Subsunk

[Patti Bader]

I met this heroes father, he and his family are
just wonderful. Thank you for showing them we will never forget,
Patti

[Charlie Chase]

God bless Mr. Stokey, his family and particularly his son Mike. Having a little trouble writing this because the tears are flowing after reading Mr. Stokey's wonderful tribute to people of all walks of life who honored his son.

Now, after 71 years, just a retired naval officer and retired attorney who has seen almost everything, but my hopes for the future have just been uplifted by the fact that the motto of the United States Military Academy still means something in this modern day world.

Mr. Stokey and Mike will be in our prayers.

[Jay DiPietro]

Rest Easy Mr. Stokey, your son goes to a better place. My condolences to you and your family and my thanks for your sons service to our nation and his sacrifice for a free and better world.
I will keep you in my prayers.
God Bless You.

[JarheadDad]

That is a special family Mike is from. Robert mentions the younger brother. A younger brother that also happens to serve his Country as a young Lance Corporal of Marines in 2nd Battalion 2nd Marines. He was in-country on his first deployment when Mike was killed and the Corps brought him home for the funeral. My son made sure to take him under his wing as they had grown close being from the same area and all. Which in turn brought us close to the LCpl as well. Even with all the duties the service required of him the LCpl made time to come by and bring some things from our son plus hang out for awhile. Letting my wife know firsthand how her son was faring as they had no comm on that particular deployment so word was scarce. Lord knows he was dealing with so much with the grief of his brother's death yet he still made it a point to help ease the fears of a Mom. First rate and Mike would be proud!

Mike's wife was a friend of my oldest son and the boys had competed against Mike in sports during their school years. Intertwined communties as most small communities are. The send off of Mike was exactly as Mr. Stokely stated - special and heartfelt. The outpouring of love and pride for a local son, a local Hero, was outstanding. From Snellville to Loganville just so many folks turned out. We couldn't even get into the service but it mattered not, so many did! Speaks well of our communites that we've become what another young local soldier and current Army recruiter calls, "A target rich enviroment!" Heh! That one served about a dozen miles north of the Warlords in OIF2 making sure we all were well represented. Even though swallowed up by the sprawl that has become Atlanta both communites supply an inordinate number of young patriots in all branches and service academies. The reason is simply because young men like Sgt Mike Stokely come from fine families that still believe in Duty, Honor, Country. Not just words but a way of life.

The "ordinary kid next door" indeed. Well said Mr. Stokely and God Bless you and yours! I am proud to have met your son and proud to be a part of the type of communites we belong to. With the exemplary devotion and example you live by Robert rest assured that Mike will NEVER be forgotten!

[vet66]

The Stokely Family:

Thank you for sharing an uplifting testimony to what makes our country great and strong! Your son was a Patriot as is his family.

May the words DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY bring you peace and comfort as they gave meaning and purpose to your son.

GOD Bless America and GOD Bless America!

[JOE Norman]

Just.....DAMN!!

Robert....drop me a note or give me a call. I'd still like to buy you a big glass of iced tea at the Dwarf House and continue our conversation. I watched the DVD you sent me. It was a difficult thing to do. You and yours are amazing people. Stay strong my friend. Stay Strong!
Joe Norman at Delta

[Michael Fields]

To the Stokely Family,

Please pardon my intrusion, but I was so moved by your commentary I felt the need to respond.

In my humble opinion, your wonderful son Mike and the Stokely family represent with great clarity the very best America has to offer to the world. Mike and his family are the reason America remains a strong and vibrant country. Mike and the Stokely family are a shining example for families all over this nation and a beacon of hope for the world. And the outpouring of support from your community gives me renewed hope for the future of this country.

As the son of a World War II veteran, a Vietnam veteran and the father of a Jarhead Corporal with two tours in Iraq, I humbly ask you to allow me to share in your pride in Sgt. Mike Stokely's ultimate sacrifice for the principles of duty, honor and country. His sacrifice for us will not be forgotten and will not be in vain. I mourn his loss with you but I celebrate the fact that this country was given the gift of the presence and contribution of such a great man.

[SSG Maldonado, Danny]

Mr. Stokely

God bless you and your family. I am sorry for your loss. God keeps all good soldiers next to him to remind them where they came from. I am and will always be proud to serve in a military that includes a son such as yours. DUTY COUNTRY HONOR. God bless you, your son and our country.