I'm just gonna get this started...keep it going in the comments.
From the Home Office In Chicago, David Letterman's Top Ten List of Reasons Why Jesse "Assclown" MacBeth lied about being an Army Ranger:
10. He needed the cash from IVAW for Hooked-On-Phonics.
9. Saying "I killed over 200 muslims at close range in a Mosque" seemed tougher than saying "I cooked over 200 hamburgers on the range at Mo's."
8. Wanted to join Scott Ritter at Al Jazeera (purely for the healthcare benefit).
7. Not much work doing elDebarage impersonations at Bar Mitzvahs.
6. Damning testimony improves your chances of dating Miss Burqa.