« Of Logos and Improvements | Main | Headstone for Casey Sheehan »

McClellan resigns- Uncle J for Press Secretary

Posted By Uncle Jimbo • [April 19, 2006]

Chuck_d_and_pe

I demand an interview for the job. I have certainly been tireless in my efforts to audition, and I would like to hope I have made an impact on the jackals of the White House press corps, but imagine what it would be like to see me pummeling them on a daily basis, and yes Chuck D and the fellas would be along for the ride.

I mean we all remember this:

Uncle J: Mornin' Jackals, Uncle J fillin' in for Scotty Mac again, that is not a good sign for you.

(loud clanging as security gates crash down on all exits)

You people have officially pissed me off, so we are gonna work through some issues here, three specifically:

Leaking Classified Intelligence
Coercive Interrogation Techniques
Defeatist Reportage on Iraq

James Risen of the NY Times come on down. You're the first contestant on "Who's my Source?". I know you are all aware that it is illegal to leak classified information, and that doing so can cripple our ability to keep you pampered crybabies safe and warm. But you and the NY Times still felt obligated to aid our enemies and increase the risk terrorists won't be caught. Well since you have collectively abused the trust we will now demonstrate the errors of your ways. But first let me bring out Chuck D founder of pioneering rap group Public Enemy and VRWC propagandist on Air America Radio.

(Chuck D marches in flanked by Professor Griff and a phalanx of meaty brothers in urban camo, polished jump boots and dark shades)

And more recently this

0730 am WH Press room
The usual suspects of the WH press corpse (not sp.) are gathered for the morning brief and the jackals smell blood. They prepare to pounce on the feckless Scotty McClellan and savage him for W's hypocrisy in using state secrets for political gain. Their frenzied jibberings turn to yelps of horror when the lights dim and the raucous sound of Kid Rock's "Cowboy" begins to blare. Confirming their suspicion the door opens and instead of Scotty Mac out struts Uncle J.

or this revelation

UJ: Good Morning I'm Uncle Jimbo, subbing for Scott McClellan who really just wasn't cut out for lying to you piranhas. The rules for this daily farce have been changed to reflect the fact that your organizations are basically adversaries and active opponents of the elected US Government. Consequently you will now be treated as representatives of the side you have chosen, the bad guys. I will tell you the unvarnished truth when it suits the purposes of our country, and I will bold-faced lie to you when that furthers our cause. That cause is freedom and the consensus 'round here is that you either don't share those goals or are too idealistically ignorant to understand how to create it. So, let the games begin.

& this nugget

Now what in the world were you maroons thinking yesterday? Do you truly believe that the world revolves around your executive-style hairdos? If somehow the relative suitability of the Vice President as a hunting partner were barn-burning news, then perhaps I could understand your histrionics. But you people are acting silly, even by White House Press standards, which are farther down the silly scale than Benny Hill. I mean if anyone planning to hunt upland birds with the VP was harmed by waiting a day to learn that in front of his muzzle is a bad location, they have my apologies. You vermin just need to hush your disrespectful, vainglorious, self-centered cakeholes.

This is an unprecedented opportunity and since I will be in DC this Friday, I am available for an interview. Heck W can show at Fran O'Brien's Friday night and we can hash out a deal then.


 PermalinkComments (14)TrackBack (6) Subscribe to BlackFive   

Comments

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d8341bfadb53ef00d83428ca2c53ef

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference McClellan resigns- Uncle J for Press Secretary:

» McClellan Resigns; Snow on Shortlist? from Musing Minds
The dems will take credit for Scott McClellans resignation. After all they told President Bush to shake up the White House Staff and Andy Cards already been replaced by Josh Bolten. Fox News is reporting that Tony Snow is on... [Read More]

Tracked on Apr 19, 2006 10:04:44 AM

» Tony Snow To Go From Fox News To White House Press Secretary? from RightWinged.com
***SCROLL FOR UPDATES*** The rumors of an impending White House shake-up continue to swirl, and the latest is sure to have all the liberals whining louder than usual. Rumor has it that Fox News Channel's Tony Snow has been approached... [Read More]

Tracked on Apr 19, 2006 11:42:51 AM

» Goodbye Scott McClellan from ReidBlog
Scott McClellan, the chubby dissembler who would not comment on an ongoing investigation has resigned. [Read More]

Tracked on Apr 19, 2006 12:14:37 PM

» McClellan Resigns...Helen Thomas Reloads from All Things Beautiful
Where's the new punk....make my day! Whilst Helen Thomas is reloading, check out both sides of the Blogosphere's reax to the news: Michelle Malkin, Hugh Hewitt, Power Line, Power Line (2) Beth @ MVRWC, Ace of Spades, Atlas Shrugs, Poli Pundit, The RCP... [Read More]

Tracked on Apr 19, 2006 5:00:51 PM

» The Best Part of the Milblog Conference... from The Indepundit
...wasn't in the "official" panel discussions. It happened backstage, in the green room, when John and Charlie from Op-For rounded up several milbloggers for an informal rap session. Being the geek that he is, Charlie recorded the whole thing, and... [Read More]

Tracked on Apr 23, 2006 10:35:00 PM

» Conor from Conor
Ayden Jairo Zakary [Read More]

Tracked on May 1, 2006 6:45:05 PM