I demand an interview for the job. I have certainly been tireless in my efforts to audition, and I would like to hope I have made an impact on the jackals of the White House press corps, but imagine what it would be like to see me pummeling them on a daily basis, and yes Chuck D and the fellas would be along for the ride.
Uncle J: Mornin' Jackals, Uncle J fillin' in for Scotty Mac again, that is not a good sign for you.
(loud clanging as security gates crash down on all exits)
You people have officially pissed me off, so we are gonna work through some issues here, three specifically:
Leaking Classified Intelligence Coercive Interrogation Techniques Defeatist Reportage on Iraq
James Risen of the NY Times come on down. You're the first contestant on "Who's my Source?". I know you are all aware that it is illegal to leak classified information, and that doing so can cripple our ability to keep you pampered crybabies safe and warm. But you and the NY Times still felt obligated to aid our enemies and increase the risk terrorists won't be caught. Well since you have collectively abused the trust we will now demonstrate the errors of your ways. But first let me bring out Chuck D founder of pioneering rap group Public Enemy and VRWC propagandist on Air America Radio.
(Chuck D marches in flanked by Professor Griff and a phalanx of meaty brothers in urban camo, polished jump boots and dark shades)
0730 am WH Press room The usual suspects of the WH press corpse (not sp.) are gathered for the morning brief and the jackals smell blood. They prepare to pounce on the feckless Scotty McClellan and savage him for W's hypocrisy in using state secrets for political gain. Their frenzied jibberings turn to yelps of horror when the lights dim and the raucous sound of Kid Rock's "Cowboy" begins to blare. Confirming their suspicion the door opens and instead of Scotty Mac out struts Uncle J.
UJ: Good Morning I'm Uncle Jimbo, subbing for Scott McClellan who really just wasn't cut out for lying to you piranhas. The rules for this daily farce have been changed to reflect the fact that your organizations are basically adversaries and active opponents of the elected US Government. Consequently you will now be treated as representatives of the side you have chosen, the bad guys. I will tell you the unvarnished truth when it suits the purposes of our country, and I will bold-faced lie to you when that furthers our cause. That cause is freedom and the consensus 'round here is that you either don't share those goals or are too idealistically ignorant to understand how to create it. So, let the games begin.
& this nugget
Now what in the world were you maroons thinking yesterday? Do you truly believe that the world revolves around your executive-style hairdos? If somehow the relative suitability of the Vice President as a hunting partner were barn-burning news, then perhaps I could understand your histrionics. But you people are acting silly, even by White House Press standards, which are farther down the silly scale than Benny Hill. I mean if anyone planning to hunt upland birds with the VP was harmed by waiting a day to learn that in front of his muzzle is a bad location, they have my apologies. You vermin just need to hush your disrespectful, vainglorious, self-centered cakeholes.
This is an unprecedented opportunity and since I will be in DC this Friday, I am available for an interview. Heck W can show at Fran O'Brien's Friday night and we can hash out a deal then.
» McClellan Resigns; Snow on Shortlist? from Musing Minds
The dems will take credit for Scott McClellans resignation. After all they told President Bush to shake up the White House Staff and Andy Cards already been replaced by Josh Bolten.
Fox News is reporting that Tony Snow is on... [Read More]
» McClellan Resigns...Helen Thomas Reloads from All Things Beautiful
Where's the new punk....make my day! Whilst Helen Thomas is reloading, check out both sides of the Blogosphere's reax to the news: Michelle Malkin, Hugh Hewitt, Power Line, Power Line (2) Beth @ MVRWC, Ace of Spades, Atlas Shrugs, Poli Pundit, The RCP... [Read More]
Tracked on Apr 19, 2006 5:00:51 PM
» The Best Part of the Milblog Conference... from The Indepundit
...wasn't in the "official" panel discussions. It happened backstage, in the green room, when John and Charlie from Op-For rounded up several milbloggers for an informal rap session. Being the geek that he is, Charlie recorded the whole thing, and... [Read More]
Former Paratrooper and Army Officer, "Blackfive" started this blog upon learning of the valorous sacrifice of a friend that was not reported by the journalist whose life he saved. Email: blackfive AT gmail DOT com
Retired Special Operations Master Sergeant, Jim Hanson ("Uncle Jimbo") is now focused on writing about the military, politics, intelligence operations and foreign policy. Email: jimbo AT unclejimbo DOT com
Writer, photographer, and raconteur C. Blake Powers is the Laughing Wolf. He is independent in politics and covers topics including journalism, military, weapons, preparedness, space, science, cooking, food and wine, product and book reviews, and even spirituality. Email: wolf1 AT laughingwolf DOT net Laughing Wolf's Amazon Wish List
Bill Paisley, otherwise known as Pinch, is a 22 year (ongoing) active and
reserve naval aviator. He blogs over at www.instapinch.com on a veritable
cornucopia of various and sundry items and will bring a tactical naval
aviator's perspective to Blackfive. Readers be warned: any comments of or
about the F-14 Tomcat will be reverential and spoken in low, hushed tones.
Email: wpaisley AT comcast DOT net
Mr. Wolf has over 26 years in the Army, Army NG, and USAR. He’s Airborne with 5 years as an NCO, before becoming an officer. Mr. Wolf has had 4 company commands. Signal Corp is his basic branch, and Public Affairs is his functional area. He recently served 22 straight months in Kuwait and Iraq, in Intel, PA, and senior staff of MNF-I. Mr. Wolf is now an IT executive. He is currently working on a book on media and the Iraq war. Functional gearhead.
In Iraq, he received the moniker of Mr. Wolf after the Harvey Kietel character in Pulp Fiction, when "challenges" arose, they called on Mr. Wolf...
Email: TheDOTMrDOTWolfAT gmail DOT com
Deebow is a Staff Sergeant and a Military Police Squad Leader in the Army National Guard. In a previous life, he served in the US Navy. He has over 19 years of experience in both the Maritime and Land Warfare; including deployments to Southwest Asia, Thailand, the South Pacific, South America and Egypt. He has served as a Military Police Team Leader and Protective Services Team Leader and he has served on assignments with the US State Department, US Air Force Security Police, US Army Criminal Investigation Division, and the US Drug Enforcement Administration. He recently spent time in Afghanistan working with, training and fighting alongside Afghan Soldiers and is now focused on putting his 4 year Political Science degree to work by writing about foreign policy, military security policy and politics.
McQ has 28 years active and reserve service. Retired. Infantry officer. Airborne and Ranger. Consider my 3 years with the 82nd as the most fun I ever had with my clothes on. Interests include military issues and policy and veteran's affairs.
Email: mcq51 -at - bellsouth -dot- net
Tantor is a former USAF navigator/weapon system officer (WSO) in F-4E Phantoms who served in the US, Asia, and Europe. He is now a curmudgeonly computer geek in Washington, DC, picking the taxpayers pocket. His avocations are current events, aviation, history, and conservative politics.
Twenty-three years of Active and Reserve service in the US Army in SF (18B), Infantry and SOF Signal jobs with operational deployments to Bosnia and Africa. Since retiring he's worked as Senior Defense Analyst on SOF and Irregular Warfare projects and currently ensconced in the emerging world of Cyberspace.
Major Pain --
A Marine who began his blog in Iraq and reflects back on what he learned there and in Afghanistan. To the point opinions, ideas and thoughts on military, political and the media from One Marine’s View. Email: onemarinesview AT yahoo DOT com
Uber Pig was an Infantryman from late 1991 until early 1996, serving with Second Ranger Battalion, I Corps, and then 25th Infantry Division. At the time, the Army discriminated against enlisted soldiers who wanted use the "Green to Gold" program to become officers, so he left to attend Stanford University. There, he became expert in detecting, avoiding, and surviving L-shaped ambushes, before dropping out to be as entrepreneurial as he could be. He is now the founder of a software startup serving the insurance and construction industries, and splits time between Lake Tahoe, Boonville, and San Francisco, CA.
Uber Pig writes for Blackfive a) because he's the proud brother of an enlisted Civil Affairs Reservist who currently serves in Iraq, b) because he looks unkindly on people who make it harder for the military in general, and for his brother in particular, to succeed at their missions and come home in victory, and c) because the Blackfive readers and commenters help keep him sane.
COB6 spent 24 years in the active duty Army that included 5 combat tours with service in the 1st Ranger Battalion and 1st Special Forces Group . COB6 was enlisted (E-7) and took the OCS route to a commission. COB6 retired a few years back as a field grade Infantry officer.
Currently COB6 has a son in the 82nd Airborne that just returned from his third tour and has a newly commissioned daughter in the 4th Infantry Division.