White House Press Briefing - Cheney's got a gun

Posted By Uncle Jimbo

The usual suspects await the arrival of Boy Press Secretary Scott McClellan. (Clownus Maximus Dana Milbank dresses for the occasion gracias Sra. Malkin)

There is a nervous twitter in the room as the lights dim and the dulcet tones of Kid Rock 's "Cowboy" boom forth,

"Buy a yacht with a flag sayin' chillin' the most, then rock that b***h up and down the coast"

Music cuts, spotlight on Uncle J

Uncle J: Which is what I was doing before McClellan paged me. You gone and done it again jackals, I told you either play nice with Scotty Mac or f**k around and you get me.

Now what in the world were you maroons thinking yesterday? Do you truly believe that the world revolves around your executive-style hairdos? If somehow the relative suitability of the Vice President as a hunting partner were barn-burning news, then perhaps I could understand your histrionics. But you people are acting silly, even by White House Press standards, which are farther down the silly scale than Benny Hill. I mean if anyone planning to hunt upland birds with the VP was harmed by waiting a day to learn that in front of his muzzle is a bad location, they have my apologies. You vermin just need to hush your disrespectful, vainglorious, self-centered cakeholes.

Just out of curiosity WTF did you dipsticks think the overwhelming importance of what the President knew and when he knew it was? Did you assume there was obviously a cover up and they needed time to swap out the guy Cheney actually shot with the geezer we picked as the stand-in pin cushion? You people amaze me, I mean the possibility that one old guy snuck up on another old guy while hunting and caught a few BBs never occurred to you huh? I live in Wisconsin and I can testify that I only hunt archery season, so anyone attempting to ventilate me has to get pretty damn close.

The only person who really ought to be interested in this whole turn of events is the Scooter, yeah if I was Mr. Libby I might be reconsidering that whole "Seriously Dick Cheney told me to do it" defense. I'm just sayin'.

Now since a near complete bafflement about the sport of hunting seems to permeate the room, it's time for another field trip. Line up jackals, we are going to indulge your multi-cultural preferences and show you hunting with an old school African twist. We are going to a game farm in Texas and hunt lions. You pinheads will serve the time-honored role of beaters, so pick up your noisemakers at the door and enjoy the trip. And if you manage to drive the beast the right way and avoid dismemberment, feel good because instead of the VP we have Staff Sgt. Gilliland dropping the hammer. So fear not intrepid truth-seekers, go forth and educate yourselves. Learn well, I have many ideas for field trips.                                       - Uncle J

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White House Press Briefing - Cheney's got a gun

The usual suspects await the arrival of Boy Press Secretary Scott McClellan. (Clownus Maximus Dana Milbank dresses for the occasion gracias Sra. Malkin)

There is a nervous twitter in the room as the lights dim and the dulcet tones of Kid Rock 's "Cowboy" boom forth,

"Buy a yacht with a flag sayin' chillin' the most, then rock that b***h up and down the coast"

Music cuts, spotlight on Uncle J

Uncle J: Which is what I was doing before McClellan paged me. You gone and done it again jackals, I told you either play nice with Scotty Mac or f**k around and you get me.

Now what in the world were you maroons thinking yesterday? Do you truly believe that the world revolves around your executive-style hairdos? If somehow the relative suitability of the Vice President as a hunting partner were barn-burning news, then perhaps I could understand your histrionics. But you people are acting silly, even by White House Press standards, which are farther down the silly scale than Benny Hill. I mean if anyone planning to hunt upland birds with the VP was harmed by waiting a day to learn that in front of his muzzle is a bad location, they have my apologies. You vermin just need to hush your disrespectful, vainglorious, self-centered cakeholes.

Just out of curiosity WTF did you dipsticks think the overwhelming importance of what the President knew and when he knew it was? Did you assume there was obviously a cover up and they needed time to swap out the guy Cheney actually shot with the geezer we picked as the stand-in pin cushion? You people amaze me, I mean the possibility that one old guy snuck up on another old guy while hunting and caught a few BBs never occurred to you huh? I live in Wisconsin and I can testify that I only hunt archery season, so anyone attempting to ventilate me has to get pretty damn close.

The only person who really ought to be interested in this whole turn of events is the Scooter, yeah if I was Mr. Libby I might be reconsidering that whole "Seriously Dick Cheney told me to do it" defense. I'm just sayin'.

Now since a near complete bafflement about the sport of hunting seems to permeate the room, it's time for another field trip. Line up jackals, we are going to indulge your multi-cultural preferences and show you hunting with an old school African twist. We are going to a game farm in Texas and hunt lions. You pinheads will serve the time-honored role of beaters, so pick up your noisemakers at the door and enjoy the trip. And if you manage to drive the beast the right way and avoid dismemberment, feel good because instead of the VP we have Staff Sgt. Gilliland dropping the hammer. So fear not intrepid truth-seekers, go forth and educate yourselves. Learn well, I have many ideas for field trips.                                       - Uncle J

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