BLACKFIVE: Wasn't Ready For This

Wasn't Ready For This

Posted By Blackfive

There's been millions of your tax dollars spent on making sure that I could be ready for anything.

I can jump from aircraft at high altitudes and secure a drop zone, evade capture, withstand the elements, live off the land, fight off ninjas (okay, not really trained to fight off ninjas)...anyway, you get the idea.

Stress? I LOVE stress.

But everything that I've done in my life has never, ever prepared me for...

...a four-year old birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese (CEC).

The was the first time for both myself and Little Blackfive to visit CEC. It was terrifying...a million screaming kids with parents oblivious to the whole thing. Coughing, sneezing, puking kids pushing everyone out of the way with their grubby little fingers, pizza sauce all over their mugs...At that moment, I distinctly remembered the time when I thought that I would never be married or have children. The mass of unsupervized terrorizing toddlers hyped up on sugar at CEC being one reason why. Barnie the other.

We walk in and the animatronic CEC animals start talking to us.

Damn, I should have missed that IR beam...must be gettin' old and lazy.

As a testament to proof that my strain of smartass-DNA is a part of Little Blackfive, he announces loudly and waves his hands with each word for emphasis, "Who the HECK are they talking to...?! Seriously, Dad, who the HECK are they talking to...?!"

He knows who they're talking to, and he ain't buying it. Those aren't REAL. And he wants everyone to know it.

The Party wasn't too bad. And there was beer.

The one interesting thing about CEC is that they sell beer...one beer per hour...to a parent. I can only imagine the parents that caused that rule to exist...someone, somewhere got loaded on the quality beverages at Chuck E. Cheese. Losers.

At the Party, Little Blackfive was particularly good at the game where you kick a Soccer Ball into a goal net inside a cage. He asked me to try and I succeeded...in launching my right sandle into the goal inside the cage...funny, I scored another point by doing that but I think it was offset by the embarrassment of having to find a CEC employee to unlock the game so I could get my sandle back.

We survived. No crying when we left (and we successfully evaded the IR Beam on the way out). No trying to take the birthday boy's presents home. No sandles were lost. And no telling Mom that Daddy had beer at the party...

Next time, I'm wearing shoes.