Veterans Day - Part 3 - Mike Royko Says It Best

Posted By Blackfive

This post is annual event here.  This is what Mike Royko (1932 - 1997), of the Chicago Tribune, had to say about Veterans Day in 1993.  While I didn't always agree with Mike, I love the sentiment behind it.  I'll be at work tomorrow talking and interacting with characters straight out of Office Space.  I might have a scotch later that night, but, more than likely, it'll be a "normal" day.  I'll probably forget that it's a federal holiday and, out of habit, check the mailbox when I get home.  I'll see that it's empty because the postal carriers have the day off.  Then, I'll get ticked.  Happens every year.

I think Mike's got the right idea about how to celebrate Veterans Day, GI-Style (though tequilla turns me into Evil Blackfive...seriously).

I just phoned six friends and asked them what they will be doing on Monday.

They all said the same thing: working.

Me, too.

There is something else we share. We are all military veterans.

And there is a third thing we have in common. We are not employees of the federal government, state government, county government, municipal government, the Postal Service, the courts, banks, or S & Ls, and we don’t teach school.

If we did, we would be among the many millions of people who will spend Monday goofing off.

Which is why it is about time Congress revised the ridiculous terms of Veterans Day as a national holiday.

The purpose of Veterans Day is to honor all veterans.

So how does this country honor them?

By letting the veterans, the majority of whom work in the private sector, spend the day at their jobs so they can pay taxes that permit millions of non-veterans to get paid for doing nothing.

As my friend Harry put it:

"First I went through basic training. Then infantry school. Then I got on a crowded, stinking troop ship that took 23 days to get from San Francisco to Japan. We went through a storm that had 90 percent of the guys on the ship throwing up for a week.

"Then I rode a beat-up transport plane from Japan to Korea, and it almost went down in the drink. I think the pilot was drunk.

"When I got to Korea, I was lucky. The war ended seven months after I got there, and I didn’t kill anybody and nobody killed me.

"But it was still a miserable experience. Then when my tour was over, I got on another troop ship and it took 21 stinking days to cross the Pacific.

"When I got home on leave, one of the older guys at the neighborhood bar — he was a World War II vet — told me I was a ----head because we didn’t win, we only got a tie.

"So now on Veterans Day I get up in the morning and go down to the office and work.

"You know what my nephew does? He sleeps in. That’s because he works for the state.

"And do you know what he did during the Vietnam War? He ducked the draft by getting a job teaching at an inner-city school.

"Now, is that a raw deal or what?"

Of course that’s a raw deal. So I propose that the members of Congress revise Veterans Day to provide the following:

- All veterans — and only veterans — should have the day off from work. It doesn’t matter if they were combat heroes or stateside clerk-typists.

Anybody who went through basic training and was awakened before dawn by a red-neck drill sergeant who bellowed: "Drop your whatsis and grab your socks and fall out on the road," is entitled.

- Those veterans who wish to march in parades, make speeches or listen to speeches can do so. But for those who don’t, all local gambling laws should be suspended for the day to permit vets to gather in taverns, pull a couple of tables together and spend the day playing poker, blackjack, craps, drinking and telling lewd lies about lewd experiences with lewd women. All bar prices should be rolled back to enlisted men’s club prices, Officers can pay the going rate, the stiffs.

- All anti-smoking laws will be suspended for Veterans Day. The same hold for all misdemeanor laws pertaining to disorderly conduct, non-felonious brawling, leering, gawking and any other gross and disgusting public behavior that does not harm another individual.

- It will be a treasonable offense for any spouse or live-in girlfriend (or boyfriend, if it applies) to utter the dreaded words: "What time will you be home tonight?"

- Anyone caught posing as a veteran will be required to eat a triple portion of chipped beef on toast, with Spam on the side, and spend the day watching a chaplain present a color-slide presentation on the horrors of VD.

- Regardless of how high his office, no politician who had the opportunity to serve in the military, but didn’t, will be allowed to make a patriotic speech, appear on TV, or poke his nose out of his office for the entire day.

Any politician who defies this ban will be required to spend 12 hours wearing headphones and listening to tapes of President Clinton explaining his deferments.

Now, deal the cards and pass the tequila.

- Mike Royko

Amen, Mike, Amen.

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Comments

[Kelly]

Just wanted to point out that I know most banks, some federal offices, and nearly all post offices are usually closed but most schools and universities (including the one where I am now) I've worked at over the past 10 years, as well as when I spent two years working for a state agency in Texas, never gave Veteran's Day as a holiday - to military veterans or anyone else. (Not even Texas A&M, known for its Corps of Cadets, observes Veteran's Day as an official day off from school or work. I always found that a little odd.)

I agree whole-heartedly however that VETS are the ones who should have the day off and as a holiday. Let all the rest of us schlep ourselves to work and give the vets a break once a year to say thanks to them - I'd have no problems with that!

[Al]

A couple of jobs back most of the group I worked with were Vets. They all had the day off on Veterans day. (It didn't hurt that the department head was a retired USAF Colonel.) The non-vets like myself carried the load that day. It seemed like the right thing to do and I always looked at it as the least I could do.

Where I work now - there is a Veterans Day lunch for all Vets.

Myself - I'm off tomorrow. My daughter and I plan to be at the Veterans Memorial in town paying our respects as well as a stop at my Dad's grave (USMC 1944-47)

To all the Vets out there - thanks.

[corrie]

I'm not a vet (the USAF didn't want my bad eyes, bad back, bad lungs, etc.), but my Dad and uncles served in WWII.

To all who have worn our nation's uniform - THANK YOU!

[catzmeow]

Thanks for this...sent it to my dad and my brother, both Navy vets. My husband and I are government leeches (okay, contractors), and are off tomorrow. There aren't any local VA hospitals, so we'll be at the parade tomorrow, cheering for our local vets.

Catz

[Licorice]

And Michael Moore said it worst:

OPERATION PHANTOM FURY: For some reason, reading the details of Operation Phantom Fury in Fallujah triggered the memory of this exchange between Michael Moore and Bill O'Reilly:

MOORE: So, you would sacrifice your child to secure Fallujah? I want to hear you say that.

O'REILLY: I would sacrifice myself..

MOORE: Your child? It’s Bush sending the children there.

O'REILLY: I would sacrifice myself.

MOORE: You and I don’t go to war, because we’re too old…

O'REILLY: Because if we back down, there will be more deaths and you know it.

MOORE: Say, “I, Bill O’Reilly, would sacrifice my child to secure Fallujah.”

O'REILLY: I’m not going to say what you say, you’re a, that’s ridiculous…

MOORE: You don’t believe that. Why should Bush sacrifice the children of people across America for this?

Moore's question was (and still is) complete disingenuous garbage: we have an all-volunteer fighting force made up of adults who choose the brave, noble and dangerous work of defending our country.

More to the point, however, is Moore's belief that securing Fallujah is not worth the effort. The left in general sees Fallujah as a mess of our own making and part of the larger mistake of invading Iraq in the first place.

In reality, however, Fallujah is and has been a focal point of the terrorist insurgency for some time. History may also judge the success of Operation Phantom Fury as a decisive moment in the war in Iraq and some very real implications for the broader war on terror. So don't be surprised to see Michael Moore and his buddies on the wrong side of history - again.

www.realclearpolitics.com/Commentary/blog_11_9_04_1030.html

[Licorice]

What Mike R. should have noted, however, is that journalists have the worst work hours of anyone anyway. Why? The newspaper is delivered 365 days straight.

Of course we work Veterans' Day! And Memorial Day! And, usually, Christmas OR Thanskgiving!

We're f-ing reporters!

[MAJ Mike]

I'm USAR retired. 23 years in uniform, never deployed for combat, but spent that time prepping to kill Soviets and their Warsaw Pact allies.

Saw the Wall come down and hoped that the only uniform my son would wear would have Boy Scouts of America on it.

Now I teach high school World History and World Geography -- combat of a different type. Tomorrow, I'll be in my classroom attempting to explain to my student what exactly Veteran Day is and the debt we all owe the.

The school district gave all of us a red "Veterans" ribbon and a distinctive pin. They try to honor us, but really, a "red" ribbon -- that's 2nd place in my book. Why not blue -- 1st place?

Freedom is bought at a fearful price -- the blood of patriots and veterans.

Sleep well, my countrymen. We all sleep soundly due to the efforts of young men and women who are better than us.

I'll pray for them all during our school's daily "moment of silence". I'll pray for swift victory and a safe return to their homeland.

"This we'll defend!!"

[Harvey]

Beautiful post. Thanks for putting that up.

[U.O]

"The tree of liberty must be nourished, from time to time, with the blood of patriots ... and tyrants ..."

Not sure, that's either Jefferson or Paine, I think ...

Welcome home, vets.