Since tomorrow will prove to be a light day on the blogosphere and I won't be posting on the 1st, I thought I would share my sure-fire, 100% guaranteed, several-step program for curing the mother-of-all-hangovers:
1. Water will not help you. Many hangover cures claim that drinking water will cut the pain and agony of a dehydration headache resulting from drinking heavily. Now, I want you people to repeat these words: Water is for washing, booze is for drinking. Say it over and over again until it is ingrained in your memory. If someone offers you water, tell them you are thirsty, not dirty.
2. Vitamins will do nothing for you. Vitamin C, B-Complex, B-12, and B-1,000,000 will not help at all. I emphatically recommend highly fatty foods like bacon, cheeseburgers, Philly cheese-steaks, fries, etc. It helps if you have a good buddy that hosts a brunch on New Year's Day. Get yourself one of those before trying vitamins - as those are only for athletes and health-enthusiasts. Stick to my advice and no hangover for you!
3. There are those blasphemers that believe that Cogeners are the cause. Evidently, cogeners are darker in color and, therefore, are found in darker beverages like scotch, whiskey, and rum. I have found that this "discovery" was fabricated by the Russian mafia in an effort to promote vodka as the drink of choice. This is obviously false as I have personally experienced more excruciating mornings as the result of vodka than scotch. Also, I recently had the pleasure of testing some blogger's excellent Belgian ale and wound up with a nice hangover. My hangover-avoidance advice: Drink scotch. Stay away from the Belgian ale.
4. Sex is a good great hangover cure. This is NOT a lie spread by the Russian mafia (or the Bush Administration).
5. Keep drinking. If you keep drinking, no hangover. This is your best bet for curing/avoiding hangovers. I am going to start at about 7 or 8 PM tomorrow night and won't stop until about February.
Update: For those who take me too seriously, go here for helpful advice and then start drinking...
IRVINE, Calif. — The idea was innocent enough: A group of young men organize a holiday football tournament and give their teams such innocuous names as "4th and Goal" and "Playmakerz."
It was some of the other team names that raised eyebrows: Intifada, Soldiers of Allah and Mujahideen.
Now, some of you may believe that, because of the 1st Amendment, these young men can name their team whatever the hell they want. The first thing that I thought was "Why the hell are their parents allowing this to happen?" It all starts in the home. It seems that some of the Muslim community agrees.
...Muslim leaders have asked the teams to reconsider the names.
"Sensitizing our youths is our role as adults," said Hussam Ayloush, the executive director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations in Southern California.
But he also said he believed the players were not being malicious when they decided the names.
"In this case, the choices were totally innocent and meant for a small intra-Muslim tournament whose members all knew what the terms stand for," Ayloush said. "Unfortunately, we are aware that a few of those terms are being tainted by the abominable actions of a few Muslims."
I find it hard to believe that terms that the Palestinians have used to label their cowardly war on innocent women and children could be, in the biggest stretch of the imagination, used legimately for a sports team name. The only choices that were totally innocent were the ones made by the victims of Intifada - choices like going to work, throwing your daughter a Bat Mitzvah, or having a cup of tea.
...The league also posted an open letter on the Internet, apologizing "if anyone took offense to what was intended to simply be a positive outlet for Muslim youth."
The letter also defended the use of the word Intifada, citing the Palestinian movement.
WTF? The letter also defended the use of the word Intifada?
Okay, maybe this is just blown way out of proportion because of a few stupid kids. But where is the outrage from the Muslim community - wait, check that - the American Muslim community. A little apologizing and backtracking is all we got here, folks. If I name my football team the Columbine Massacre or the McVeighs or the Lynchers, what do you think would happen? Both liberals and conservatives would be all over me like white on rice. The outcry would be immense and intense.
So where are those people in the Muslim community? Everyone can't possibly be an extremist, right? Is everyone who is not an extremist afraid of the ire of the extremists? Even in Irvine, California? Irvine. California.
Well, I have been vocal about both (1) my hope that the Bears would fire Dick Jauron and (2) that the McCaskey's (owners of the Bears) are so cheap that Chicago will get another second rate coach because he's cheaper.
I am one of those that believe that coaches can make a significant difference. Look at the former Bears players that have excelled away from Jauron (or even Wanstadt). Look at what Dusty Baker did with the Cubs.
The talent is there. The will is there. The Bears need a proven leader, not a second rate coach.
Early on Monday, an Air Force C-17 plane from Charleston landed at Kerman, about 100 miles northwest of Bam, carrying 68 medical experts and 40,000 pounds of blood and other medical supplies, the Pentagon's joint transportation command said in a statement.
Over the weekend, other U.S. military planes ferried dozens more rescue and relief experts and tonnes more medical and humanitarian supplies into Iran from stocks in both the United States and Kuwait, the statement said.
It added that the planes were the first military aircraft to have landed in Iran since the end of the Iranian hostage crisis in 1981. A spokesman could not say how much the assistance was worth or whether there would be more airlifts.
Deputy State Department spokesman Adam Ereli told reporters the United States was prepared to send more aid if needed.
So, does someone at Reuters have either a sense of humor or a sense of irony...?
I was also able to get her to show me her patented exercise for getting rid of Man-Boobs...
2. Little Blackfive has started using the potty! Hell, that might be the highlight of the week!
3. Mrs. Blackfive is pregnant! Still in shock...
4. Did not receive Medal of Honor Rising Sun (Gamecube) and did not receive Pirates of the Caribbean (XBox). Will have to purchase today. Has anyone tried either of these yet? Someone told me that Pirates was like Morrowind (which I liked).
Former Paratrooper and Army Officer, "Blackfive" started this blog upon learning of the valorous sacrifice of a friend that was not reported by the journalist whose life he saved. Email: blackfive AT gmail DOT com
Retired Special Operations Master Sergeant, Jim Hanson ("Uncle Jimbo") is now focused on writing about the military, politics, intelligence operations and foreign policy. Email: jimbo AT unclejimbo DOT com
Writer, photographer, and raconteur C. Blake Powers is the Laughing Wolf. He is independent in politics and covers topics including journalism, military, weapons, preparedness, space, science, cooking, food and wine, product and book reviews, and even spirituality. Email: wolf1 AT laughingwolf DOT net Laughing Wolf's Amazon Wish List
Bill Paisley, otherwise known as Pinch, is a 22 year (ongoing) active and
reserve naval aviator. He blogs over at www.instapinch.com on a veritable
cornucopia of various and sundry items and will bring a tactical naval
aviator's perspective to Blackfive. Readers be warned: any comments of or
about the F-14 Tomcat will be reverential and spoken in low, hushed tones.
Email: wpaisley AT comcast DOT net
Mr. Wolf has over 26 years in the Army, Army NG, and USAR. He’s Airborne with 5 years as an NCO, before becoming an officer. Mr. Wolf has had 4 company commands. Signal Corp is his basic branch, and Public Affairs is his functional area. He recently served 22 straight months in Kuwait and Iraq, in Intel, PA, and senior staff of MNF-I. Mr. Wolf is now an IT executive. He is currently working on a book on media and the Iraq war. Functional gearhead.
In Iraq, he received the moniker of Mr. Wolf after the Harvey Kietel character in Pulp Fiction, when "challenges" arose, they called on Mr. Wolf...
Email: TheDOTMrDOTWolfAT gmail DOT com
Deebow is a Staff Sergeant and a Military Police Squad Leader in the Army National Guard. In a previous life, he served in the US Navy. He has over 19 years of experience in both the Maritime and Land Warfare; including deployments to Southwest Asia, Thailand, the South Pacific, South America and Egypt. He has served as a Military Police Team Leader and Protective Services Team Leader and he has served on assignments with the US State Department, US Air Force Security Police, US Army Criminal Investigation Division, and the US Drug Enforcement Administration. He recently spent time in Afghanistan working with, training and fighting alongside Afghan Soldiers and is now focused on putting his 4 year Political Science degree to work by writing about foreign policy, military security policy and politics.
McQ has 28 years active and reserve service. Retired. Infantry officer. Airborne and Ranger. Consider my 3 years with the 82nd as the most fun I ever had with my clothes on. Interests include military issues and policy and veteran's affairs.
Email: mcq51 -at - bellsouth -dot- net
Tantor is a former USAF navigator/weapon system officer (WSO) in F-4E Phantoms who served in the US, Asia, and Europe. He is now a curmudgeonly computer geek in Washington, DC, picking the taxpayers pocket. His avocations are current events, aviation, history, and conservative politics.
Twenty-three years of Active and Reserve service in the US Army in SF (18B), Infantry and SOF Signal jobs with operational deployments to Bosnia and Africa. Since retiring he's worked as Senior Defense Analyst on SOF and Irregular Warfare projects and currently ensconced in the emerging world of Cyberspace.
Major Pain --
A Marine who began his blog in Iraq and reflects back on what he learned there and in Afghanistan. To the point opinions, ideas and thoughts on military, political and the media from One Marine’s View. Email: onemarinesview AT yahoo DOT com
Uber Pig was an Infantryman from late 1991 until early 1996, serving with Second Ranger Battalion, I Corps, and then 25th Infantry Division. At the time, the Army discriminated against enlisted soldiers who wanted use the "Green to Gold" program to become officers, so he left to attend Stanford University. There, he became expert in detecting, avoiding, and surviving L-shaped ambushes, before dropping out to be as entrepreneurial as he could be. He is now the founder of a software startup serving the insurance and construction industries, and splits time between Lake Tahoe, Boonville, and San Francisco, CA.
Uber Pig writes for Blackfive a) because he's the proud brother of an enlisted Civil Affairs Reservist who currently serves in Iraq, b) because he looks unkindly on people who make it harder for the military in general, and for his brother in particular, to succeed at their missions and come home in victory, and c) because the Blackfive readers and commenters help keep him sane.
COB6 spent 24 years in the active duty Army that included 5 combat tours with service in the 1st Ranger Battalion and 1st Special Forces Group . COB6 was enlisted (E-7) and took the OCS route to a commission. COB6 retired a few years back as a field grade Infantry officer.
Currently COB6 has a son in the 82nd Airborne that just returned from his third tour and has a newly commissioned daughter in the 4th Infantry Division.