Olives for the Martinis
This Is Great Stuff Here!

Not Consumer Reports (or Blackfive) Verified

"One more drink, and I'll be under the host." - Dorothy Parker
File under ridiculous products:

Hey, quick, where can you find condoms in 55 different sizes? No, not at John Wayne Bobbit's house.

The Condom Mania prophylactic company has a unique concern with getting the "perfect fit".

They provide a Condom Wizard to walk you through various preferences like Sensitivity, Texture, Non-Lubricated, Extra Strength, Size, Flavor, Non-Latex, With Applicator, and Desensitizing.

What? No Menthol?

Anyway, the best/worst part of this is that they actually have a Fit-Kit that you download, print, then use to determine proper size.

Hey, folks, printing the They-Fit Fit-Kit means using paper. Condom Mania provides a disclaimer for paper cuts. Honest.

Finally, to prove that the Marketing Dept. always has the last say in product development, the sizes range in alpha-numeric forms and have the equivalents of long-to-longer or wide-to-wider. No mention of tiny, dinky, miniscule, short, tripod, or any other derogatory word for small...Wide and Long are the "smallest" terms.

Hat-Tip to my brother for the link. Your box of wide and long tubes is on the way.